50 Tips On How To Make A Marriage (plural or not) Sizzle

I recently came across some points on making marriage work. There are so many aspects to successful marriage but I like the idea of summing up bullet points even if it is over simplified. Here is my list of 50 points that have worked for me in my marriage. Feel free to add to any you think have been helpful in your marriage!

1. Pray together always. A family that prays together stays together.
2. Share the scriptures or books on your values often.
3. Communicate with “I feel” rather than “You make me feel”
4. Plan regular date nights. (I am grateful for a built in baby sitter for mine)
5. Renew your vows daily by always stating what you are committed to in the relationship. (My favorite: “I will always love you!”)
6. Go to bed at the same time and never angry. When its my night with Joe I make sure we coordinate our time for bed together.
7. Praise your spouse(s) in front of other people. (Leave the negative for private discussion)
8. Buy each other gifts that are personal.
9. Get an away vacation together at least once a year.
10. Listen for your spouse and not just to them. (This means to seek first to understand and then to be understood by listening to the message behind the message.)
11. Have pictures of the two of you in your bedroom. Your bedroom should be about the two of you.
12. Exercise together. Your health is to be celebrated together.
13. Cook a meal unexpectedly for each other.
14. Eat regularly together. (With the cell phone off). We have breakfast and dinner each day together when we can.
15. Do chores for each other.
16. Make your spouses’ dreams your dreams and your dreams theirs.
17. Write frequent love notes.
18. Learn new things together on a regular basis. Marriage is about discovery of your self through someone else, which is the only true way we get access to ourselves.
19. Share a kiss every day. Make up for any days missed because of travel, etc.
20. Thank your spouse often, even for the trivial. Your thank you’s should be more plentiful than your requests.
21. Compliment your spouse frequently.
22. Post a Facebook message on the wall/or a public note on the fridge about your spouse.
23. Share the joys of your children together, or your vision of children you are to have.
24. Understand yours spouses’ parents and encourage them to find healing and completion, for often the source of blockage in the marriage has its roots there
25. Be 100% responsible for the relationship.
26. Plan your budget together. It’s not about the money it’s about the shared values.
27. Laugh together.
28. Be vulnerable.
29. Read relationship books together.
30. Look your best as often as you can.
For Women:
31. Make sex a priority.
32. Spend time apart occasionally.
33. Meet him at the door or as soon as he comes home.
34. Surprise each other, (men love spontaneity)
35. Text each other from across the room.
36. Set reminders in your phone to remember him throughout the week.
37. Call him and tell him how much you appreciate him.
38. Learn to enjoy something he loves (even if its sports).
39. Make his favorite dessert.
40. Make time for healthy female relationships that support your marriage.
For Men:
41. Come home early from work and surprise her.
42. Engage in a meaningful conversation about her feelings every day.
43. Make one day a month her total focus.
44. Avoid the words “you always” or “you never”.
45. Kiss every day.
46. Learn to cuddle and hold her without sex.
47. Forgive quickly.
48. Be honest.
49. Plan your budget together.
50. Tell her she’s pretty, especially when she’s not feeling it.

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19 Responses to 50 Tips On How To Make A Marriage (plural or not) Sizzle

  1. Teresa Carstens says:

    I think your tips are spot on! While our marriage is still in the younger years (we’re on three and counting) I like that we are doing the majority of these tips, but definitely see a few we (including me!) can work on.

    • Hi, Their! All of yall are wonderful people. Considering. I have never been affirmed of the FLDS beliefs. The lord has truly blessed you all, And it seems your all wonderful people and living wonderful lives.

  2. Lydia says:

    “29. Read relationship books together.”

    The best relationship book I’ve ever read is “The Five Love Languages.” My husband’s love language is Quality Time. Mine is Physical Touch. When we respect these needs and show one another affection in our preferred love languages it’s so much easier to weather the rough patches in life.

    I’m not a Christian and honestly wasn’t expecting to learn so much from a book written from that perspective but these principles can be applied to almost any close relationship. Marriages (of all shapes and sizes) are the most obvious choice, of course, but I also learned a lot about the love languages of my parents, siblings, sister-in-law and nephew by reading this book.

    Finally to add to your list:

    #51: Barring serious issues like abuse or addiction never vent about your spouse’(s) mistakes to outside parties. I think it’s healthier to work through minor complaints as a family than to involve in-laws/friends/neighbours. Not everyone needs to know everything that goes on in your marriage. We all have bad days. :)

    • Vicki says:

      Good points! We have read that book, The Five Love Languages, I am a quality timer. We have also tried to discover all the languages of our children and as parents that has been a valuable tool. I totally agree with #51, thank you! That has always been important to us, especially as sister-wives to maintain trust in the relationship and have our outside friends able to be a support instead of ‘taking sides’ in any kind of disagreement that is normal and I would even say healthy in any relationship.

      • Erica Welch says:

        if you need advice on a situation between your husband and yourself, do you, or can you turn to one of your sisterwives? i understand there are things that are too personal to share with others, and that you each have a separate relationship with your husband, but where exactly is the line drawn? i would ask, do you share as much as sisters would, but one of your sister wives is your sister!
        perhaps i should ask, Vicki is your relationship with your Val different as a sister-wife, as opposed to a just a sister? if so, how would you describe those differences?

  3. Hannah says:

    These are great tips! Also, wonderful photo of you two. :)

  4. Gwendolyn says:

    My husband and I have been married 31 years this July. We only dated for 4 months before marrying. In all those years we have never forgotten a date night (Thursday) or a please or a thank you. People say that we are still like newlyweds and our son is always saying how we are not like other married couples. Your advice is all very good and if everyone followed it, there would be no divorce. God Bless you all.

  5. Erin Pearce says:

    What an awesome list! My husband and I separated in 2006 for just over a year; some reasons serious, some petty. We were able to work on becoming friends for our children’s sakes. That lead to us being able to work out our marriage. We have been back together almost 6 years. It hasn’t been all fabulous but a great deal of that is due to my own pride and stubbornness.

    We married in 1998. There has always been strain with his parents, especially one. That is difficult. Family is EVERYTHING to me. Anyway, that is a difficult situation. I have tonsay reading books together is awesome. We are currently doing the Love Dare. It definitely gives us each something to think of each day!!

    You are soooo right on this entire list, especoally the sex stuff. Men & women are totally different when it comes to that but I am willing to compromise more often!!

    Thanks for your reminders!! =) Keep loving each other!!

    • Vicki says:

      That is inspiring in itself! Thank you for your comments. There will always be things that come up that can shake a relationship, that is life! Breakdowns happen. If we aren’t actively seeking to keep a marriage strong and healthy it won’t do it all by itself. The times when we have to look at ourselves and see our pride, etc., can be the hardest thing to do but when we do, it can’t help but bring vulnerability which is absolutely essential and the true power and strength in a relationship. Great job!

  6. Maria says:

    Hi from NJ! Great site. I think you are a wonderful model for any family. Good luck.

  7. Kari Kirkland says:

    First off, I love this picture of you both. It’s beautiful! So many things spoken, with out words. Next, I printed off this list, and have highlighted several of the points. Great blog post, and it’s very helpful for all kinds of relationships! I love it! Thanks for posting and can’t wait to read more!

  8. Karoline says:

    I don’t like the “meet him at the door” – who’s to say the woman isn’t the one working late? I’ve seen it around and I think it perpetuates negative gender roles. Especially when it comes from someone in a plural marriage which doensn’t have the best reputation when it comes to these issues to begin with, deserved or not.

    • Samantha says:

      It could be seen as a negative gender role. There are many hurdles women still need to pass through for equality. But true equality also means we all get to choose our own paths.

      I personally love to meet my husband at the door when he gets home. I miss him so much while he is working, it is as much of a treat for me as it is for him to meet him at the door and get a kiss.

      As I am finishing up dinner, I often find myself listening for keys at the door, because that means he is home :-)

  9. M says:

    I don’t agree with you guys and I don’t understand with your lifestyle. I just feel angry by looking at your website. I have a husband and I never would feel happy for him to have another woman because I love him.

    • Holly says:

      ^^ to M- I’m curious, before you hit post did you feel that was a real contribution that needed to be shared?

      I’m not polygamist, nor of their Religion but I hardly see them posting nasty-grams about other people’s lifestyles online.

  10. Charity M. says:

    For women: want sex more
    For men: want sex less

    Yep, that about sums it up.

    You should add…
    For men: Learn to say “I’m sorry” … say it first…on your own…and mean it when you say it.

  11. Mandy says:

    I have read so many books about how to keep love in your marriage… i will be married for 3 years on May 1. I married a man from another culture and it is a rather stressful marriage. My husband is from the Philippines, and I’m from Texas, he is also 12 years older than me. We have so many barriers to face, but I find myself facing them alone. My husband lives as if he is still single and I’m now pregnant with our 2nd child.
    What makes me want to laugh about this post is where it said that women need to make sex a priority… I can barely get my husband to be at home. He enjoys working, and being with his friends. But I can’t figure out how to get him to love me and his children and want to spend his time with us. Its a very lonely marriage, more so since i live in his country so far away from my family and friends. He doesn’t want to acknowledge the sacrifices I gave up to be with him, and he still wants more. So i started working just so I can earn money, since many times he has told me when intoxicated that he wished he married a Filipina because they can work and earn money. But he still isn’t happy. I can’t figure out his love language, I’ve tried all 5 but he still complains, and puts me down. Maybe I will print this simple list off and sent it to him and write a note about my thoughts and which ones I would enjoy most from him. Since I can’t have a meaningful conversation with him. Though there is much pain in this relationship I’m still ‘head-over-heals’ for him. I could have so many problems on my mind, but when he walks into the room, i forget them. But it never last for long when he starts complaining about something I did or didn’t do…
    A good book that we received as a wedding gift is called “Happily Married For Life”. It mentions a lot of what this list says. But sadly my husband isn’t into reading books. I love books!!
    I don’t agree with the polygamist idea, but its still amazing to see the relationship the four of you have with each other when so many families have trouble with just one spouse. Kind of makes me envious. :) I’m even so close to giving up on prayer, more so because most people here tell me to leave him or just ignore all the problems…
    thank you for your thoughts on how to keep the love thriving in relationships. You have plenty of experience to share with others.

  12. Tanya says:

    In the last 12 years my husband and I although we married young, always make sure that we kiss goodnight, and kiss each other when we leave for work in the morning. It is our way of connecting in our very hectic careers.

  13. John says:

    These are great helps for any relationship…
    Thank you for sharing!

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