Not too long ago we were interviewed via satellite by Dr. Drew Pinsky. The interview was short but seemed to go well for the most part, I haven’t watched it yet. Dr Drew asked a few questions and then had a caller who was ‘standing by’ come on and ask a few questions. The caller was a well known anti-polygamy person, and begin saying that she had followed a few of our interviews and that ‘these ladies don’t appear to be happy, you can see it in the eyes.’
We responded as best we could in the short time we had, knowing that no matter what we could have said, her mind was made up and there would be no changing it. Some people flat out refuse to accept that we could possibly be happy sharing a husband, oh, and sharing a kitchen, too.
I thought about it after, as I often do, about what I could have or should have said. It’s not always easy to think so quickly on the spot. If you have seen us, or read our book, you know that we are honest and real, but we also know that with a sensitive subject we also have to answer carefully because our answers could possibly get torn to shreds by an antagonist, well-meaning or not.
But I know one thing, I am not always happy about having to expose my personal life just to gain acceptance that is just a given for most people. I am not always excited about having to open my home to strangers that I don’t even know and hope they give a balanced perspective on my life (something that has not always been the case). I am not happy about feeling like I have to defend my faith. Nor I am happy that I cannot just live according to my conscience without fear of persecution and even prosecution. I am not happy that my children have to worry about how they will be treated with each new interview that comes out, which friends will still be friends, which peers with make fun of them or disassociate themselves from them.
Guess what else? I am not happy every blasted minute of every day! But I am okay with that. I am happy with my choices. After 22 years I still get jealous sometimes. But I feel blessed every day to have the family that I do. I am even happy with the relationship I have with my husband and sister wives, even though to many it may seem like I must be short-changing myself. I cannot easily describe the deep fulfillment and joy I get from my family and my faith, especially not in a 10 minute interview where there are assumptive questions and very derogatory remarks like “I think you are all nuts!”
So, it is possible to be happy and not happy at the same time, about the same subject. Not everything fits neatly into a box. And if you are one of those that already have your mind made up about this subject; I will not likely change it, because you are not open to another possibility than the one you have created from your own perspective. I will keep doing interviews though. Not because I am not happy about doing them all the time, because I am happy I share a love of a family that fulfills me every day, a family that deserves to be acknowledged as happy and treated like any other family.