From a family that inspired Big Love’s story of Bill Henrickson and his three wives, this first-ever memoir of a polygamous family captures the extraordinary workings of a unique family dynamic, and argues for the acceptance of plural marriage as an alternative lifestyle. Fans of shows like Big Love and Sister Wives, will be enthralled by the first groundbreaking book in praise of polygamy.
He runs his own business and coaches Little League. She drives a minivan, and she’d be lost without her trusty BlackBerry. They go on date nights. Their kids attend public schools, play sports, and take music lessons. They live in a roomy house in the ’burbs. They’re about as mainstream as families come….They’re also polygamists.
For decades, polygamous families have been forced to hide their lifestyle. Men risk prosecution and economic blacklisting, and women face social isolation and faulty assumptions about what it means to live as a sister wife. But Love Times Three, the first-ever memoir of a polygamous family, is a riveting inside look at a world most of us can hardly imagine, revealing the extraordinary workings of the Dargers’ day-to-day life.
Independent Fundamentalist Mormons, the Dargers grew up in polygamous families, and by the time they were in high school, they knew they wanted to live the Principle themselves. But in a highly unusual situation, even for their culture, both Alina and Vicki expressed interest in Joe at the same time. They ultimately courted him together, and married him on the same day. Valerie, Vicki’s twin sister, joined the marriage ten years later.
The Dargers move the conversation away from child brides, Warren Jeffs, and the FLDS to more mainstream polygamists who willingly enter into plural relationships as adults. Rather than living in isolated communities, Independent Fundamentalist Mormons are similar to an average American family—except for their family structure.
In this intimate, inside story, the Dargers explain why they chose this path despite the pressures of keeping their relationships secret and the jealousy and personal challenges that naturally ensue, why they believe polygamy should be an accepted lifestyle, and, ultimately, why they hope that by revealing their way of life in public, laws that criminalize their lifestyle might change.
Written in the voices of the four parents, Love Times Three is the story of one man, his three wives, and their twenty-four children as they live out their faith in a world of prejudice, misconception, and fear, including a chapter on the sister wife dynamic, one from Joe on how he juggles his three distinct romantic relationships, and a chapter from three of their children, called “My Three Moms.” Despite the risk of legal action, the Dargers know that it’s time to counteract Hollywood’s sensational interpretation and correct the general public’s misunderstanding of polygamy with the truth. Now, for the first time, Joe, Alina, Vicki, and Valerie Darger lift the veil on their so-called taboo way of life.
I just finished reading your book,I wanted to tell you all how very much I enjoyed it. As a 63 year old woman very happily married to one man with just little old me as the wife I only know what i read in the news but after seeing you all on Dr. Phil I decided to buy the book. I am very glad i did, I learned so many things and my opinion of your life choices have so changed. Your family should and could teach other families how to live their lives. So thank you for opening my eyes . I intend to share the book with friends. All I can say is may you all have many happy years together and God Bless you all.
I have never had an issue with people / families that chose to live a plygamist lifestyle. Grown ups that choose to live together in an open and honest situation is still much better than a lot “typical” families that you can find today where cheating and divorce is the norm. I had debated about buying your book and then I saw your family on Dr. Phil and I knew that I should pick it up. What a refreshing piece of reading! I was a fan of Big Love and I can see the similarities. I comment you for having the courage to stand up for what you believe in and for trying to educate the masses on what polygamy is about (e.g. n under age girls marrying seniors). I wish you all the best going forward and I hope that this experience has enriched your lives.
Hi Darger Family, I recently visited America, and caught the episode of Dr Phil where you were all interviewed. I was so impressed by your interviews I ordered your book. I must say I wasn’t that familiar with polygamy, as it is not common in Australia. Your attitutes towards family, marriage, life, children, your strength, determination and your faith are nothing short of amazing. I think Joe is an amazing disciplined visionary man, and well supported by three strong wonderful women I would be happy to know as friends. Reading your book came at a time I needed to have a bit of faith myself, and it was such an inspiration to read and helped me find a bit of faith and patience when my husband died. Previously in the media I had only seen brief but still bad, publicity for almost cult like polygamy families before, but your family is a breath of fresh air, and has some wonderful core values, yet has moved with the times and is quite modern too. I think it is wonderful you risked coming out, to show the world that they have not seen a good example of your faith in the media, mostly for fear of retribution. I think you are all amazing people, and I wish you the very best of luck in getting the laws changed. We will soon live in a time that recognises gay marriages and all sorts of families, and it is so wrong when you have loving, planned, well supported marriages and families, that you get less recognition than people with a wife who keep a mistress on the side. I must admit, at first I was curious to your sleeping arrangements etc. but the more I watched and read, the more I realised that you have the most private, respectful and loving marriages anyone could hope to wish for, and you certainly came out of the Dr Phil interview with your heads held high. The ladies interviewed so confidently, and with such pride and grace, they really inspired me to read the book. I have told many of my friends about the interview and the book, and a few have said ‘I don’t know if I could do it…’ and I am proceeding to lend them the book so they can see how much more there is to your lives, than sharing a husband. I think your decision to live under one roof is wonderful, and can only imagine how richer your lives became as you all got more sisters, and extra mums for your children. You must have one of the most loving homes imaginable. I cannot imagine the fear you must feel at having your children taken away or being arrested, and I hope soon that you will get the laws changed so that you get the respect that you deserve. I am very grateful I turned the tv on that day…I have learnt a lot from seeing your interview and reading your book. I would love to hear from any of you if you had five minutes spare in your already chaotic day! Best of luck, I think you have worked so hard to achieve something so wonderful for the future of your family and so many others. xxx
Hey Joe, Alina, Vicki, & Valerie!
I saw the ya’ll on the Dr. Phil show & was very moved by the episode. I went out & purchased the book. It was a very good read! All four of you have my respect on making your marriage work. Do you have a Facebook fan page? God bless you!
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!
Jonna
Thank you and Happy Holiday season to you. You can like us at http://www.facebook.com/TheDargers for updates, and continue to follow this blog for continued interaction and information. Thank you for your support.
Joe
Hello Dargers! I just really wanted to complement you all on your book! I really learned a lot that I hadn’t known about the polygamous lifestyle. I thought all your stories are very heartwarming! I pray for you that all is well!
Thank you Heather, your prayers are welcome. We are glad you enjoyed it.
I just finished your book. WOW!! With everything out there on polygamy your story really makes a person say A-ha!!! This is way they practice this religion. It was so heart warming, with the 4 sides to every story, TLC has the wrong family on their network for sure, if all of america could see you with your family I am sure they would see it in a whole new refreshing light! Again LOVE LOVE LOVED the book! Alina I simply adore Kenny Chesney too!
Katie
Thank you for sharing your enthusiasm!
Thank you for writing the book. I have just finished reading it. (I did not watch the TV series ‘Big Love’ because it just sounded like being one more TV beat up.)
I have read books by refugees from FLDS. Living in Australia, I did not realise that there were polygamous unions outside the FLDS. By definition, it seemed they would be coercive and abusive. So, I was blown away to realise that there are such marriages elsewhere and that they are consensual and loving.
You have worked out and practise principles which would enrich any marriage relationship. I wish I had known some of them.
I appreciate the way you explain the ‘why’ of your marriage. I could not see why any man would want more than one wife at a time and why any woman would actually agree to share her husband. I have some understanding now.
I think it is appalling that your law contains such a definition of bigamy! Surely, bigamy is, and always was, having more than one ‘legal’ spouse at the same time. You are not attempting to do that nor even asking to be allowed to. Here, subsequent wives would ‘de facto’ wives and our law protects partners in de facto relationships.
You sure took a risk in writing your story. I hope that the outcome is very positive for you and that it leads to members of your culture being able to lead more honest lives and to their being treated fairly and equally under the law.
May God bless you all.
Hi Darger Family…I enjoyed your book immensely! Your honest account of how a polygamist marriage works was fascinating. It really changed my views and opened my eyes to how great it can be for certain families. It’s a shame that the way you have decided to live your lives could get you into legal trouble. The way I see it you guys are just a normal family with lots and lots and lots of love, haha! I wish you had a show on TLC…I am sure it would be a huge hit!! Do you guys plan on having more children?? You have a beautiful family! I’m sure it’s never boring in your house and the kids always have someone to play with around. I would have loved growing up like that! Good luck and God Bless =)