It’s been a big year for me as a mother.
Caleb, 22, announced this spring he had decided to go on a two-year service mission for the LDS Church, which he joined a year ago. He is going to Taiwan!
Liesl, 17, graduated from high school and will go away to college in the fall.
Logan, 15, got his learner permit and will soon be getting his drivers license.
Boston, 5, starts kindergarten in the fall.
I finally potty trained Victoria, 3, which was no small task!
And there is this: I am expecting.
Did you guess right?!
If you’ve read Love Times Three, you know that I have always wanted 10 children. This will be number 9 for me. It’s a huge decision to have a baby—not one that I take lightly, especially at age 43.
We generated quite a bit of controversy among our followers a while ago by asking people’s views on whether there is a point in life when a woman is too old to have a baby. Even professionals disagree about how old is too old to have a healthy pregnancy.
I had a miscarriage last September, which brought the issue home for me. I had to take time to heal physically and then emotionally. I had to work to put a lot of fear—that it might happen again, that I would never have another child, that I might experience complications with the pregnancy, labor and delivery, or the baby’s health—behind me.
I kept telling myself I was being silly because those complications are always a possibility with a pregnancy, not matter what your age, and that I shouldn’t let fear stop me from going ahead with something I felt so strongly about.
Believe me, it is easy to let other thoughts and feelings override that motherly instinct. All the cares and worries of the world are considered reasonable excuses not to, but I thought of the joy that each and every one of my children have brought me, the wealth of experience and fulfillment I have had with each of them.
I put a lot of careful thought and prayer into my decision.
In our family, it is up to each woman to decide first and foremost when and if to have another child. But the financial burden and commitment to raising a child is a shared responsibility, something I would not and could not take on alone, especially given the needs and obligations we already have.
I shared my desire for another child with Joe, Alina and Val, and their support and love confirmed what I felt in my heart. Their unwavering commitment made it not just easier to make a decision, but almost destined to be.
Ultimately, a deep knowing came over me, a conviction I can’t quite point to or explain, a true sense of peace.
It is the right time for me to have another baby.