I have had morning sickness for the past three months—my least favorite thing about being pregnant. Who decided to call it morning sickness anyway? That is a dirty trick since it lasts all day long for me! It’s the thing I dread even when I think about getting pregnant, almost enough to be a deterrent … but not quite.
Some women dread the aches and pains of bodily changes that come with pregnancy; some dread labor and delivery. Some dread nights with little sleep and the demands of caring for a newborn.
Me? Once I get through that morning sickness, which usually goes away by the fourth month, I can handle everything else. I am almost there, with just lingering headaches now and then. I do get super tired, so I get discouraged at how little I accomplish during the day. I also feel very nauseous if I don’t have some food in my mouth constantly. By bedtime, I feel very cranky!
In fact, I don’t feel much like myself at all in those first three months, like I’m a bit checked out of life.
The hormonal shifts that make me teary over everything? Those come on a little later (and are the part Joe dreads!).
On top of all that, as a plural wife, the idea that I am having a baby when neither of my sister wives are made me think twice … make that thrice.
Let’s start with breastfeeding, which I love but also definitely ties me down. I wouldn’t trade the bonding I feel with my babies during that period for any amount of freedom.
But, when my sister wives can pick and go for several hours, or the weekend, with Joe, I sometimes worry that my relationship with him will become fragmented since we aren’t able to spend time together like that. I start comparing and figuring Alina and Val will have more opportunities to work on their relationships with Joe while ours falls behind.
I know, however, that it is just that—FEARS! I don’t want to live my life in fear of what might or might not happen. I will not allow fear to get in the way of realizing the possibilities that I have embraced for myself and for my life. If I had chosen to cower behind my fears, I would have never entered this plural relationship—and it is one of the best things I ever did!
Another challenge: Working out and keeping fit has always been a priority for me. I have been so diligent in keeping up with my workouts. I knew morning sickness would throw me for a loop after all that hard work. And it did. I have lost a lot of muscle and stamina.
And then there is the issue of the weight gain that comes with pregnancy—which is compounded when I start comparing. I have to accept that I am going to put on weight—and I usually put on lots of it—and then work hard to lose it.
I am not like Alina. She is lucky. Once Alina reaches the end of a pregnancy and gives birth, she is right back at the same weight she was before becoming pregnant. In her ninth month of her last pregnancy, people were surprised to learn she was about to give birth!
Not me. My body is already in fat storing mode and I am embracing my curves!
With everything going on in my life, choosing to have a baby was a big decision for another reason.
I wrote in Love Times Three about my experience with Post-Partum Depression. I had a severe case of PPD after Boston, my seventh child. It was a very difficult time in my life, possibly compounded by the husband and sister wives dynamic. I didn’t know if my marriage would ever be the same.
With Victoria, though my PPD wasn’t as extreme, I was still dealing with a lot of the aftermath and repairing some damaged relationships.
In the worst of those times, I found the best in me and in my relationships with Joe and my sister wives, which made it easy to get around that fear and not let it stop me from realizing my desire to bring a new life into our family.