Meet the Darger Family!
Joe
He is kept busy being the main support of a large family and maintaining 3 marital relationships not to mention parent/child relationships. He likes to work out. Interests include, mountain biking and parenting. He also has a passion for contributing to others in their life pursuits.
Alina
With her oldest daughter married and youngest child in 1st she is thinking about going to school for her design degree, a long time goal. In addition to interior design, she enjoys gardening, reading and a beach vacation. She always has a smile for others and keeps up with the kids in the area of practical jokes. Her responsibilities include grocery shopping for 20 plus people on a weekly basis.
Vicki
She is the main ‘home mom’ right now, saving our family from daycare. Working on re-purposing where ever she can. When she is not managing the family budget, her recreation includes camping, boating and hiking. She loves crafts and is teaching herself the guitar with the help and inspiration of her kids.
Valerie
She is working at her successful home and office cleaning business.She is an excellent cook! People are drawn to her warm and caring personality. She keeps the rest of her time occupied with her nine children. With five little girls in a row, her hobbies include baking, reading and sewing with them. She keeps the family in homemade bread.
Samuel (22)
Has lived on his own for some time, and keeping busy with work but in another city. He is currently single and enjoys song writing and playing his 6 string. He recently was seen on the Sisterwives episode, and on My Three Wives he writes and performs an original song for Joe for his birthday. His arrival is always a source of excitement for the little ones as he enjoys spoiling them.
Joseph
Joseph (22)
Just got back from spending the summer back east at a sales job, where he did quite well for his first year and now has his own apartment. He is planning on helping in one of the family businesses and enrolling back into college. He shares his dad’s love for working out.
Caleb
Caleb (21)
Just started his third year of college, working full time and still having band practice, scheduling shows and tours and writing music for his band, The Mighty Sequoyah. He lives in Provo but makes weekly appearances to connect to the roots of his musical inspiration.
Amanda (20)
Also living on her own. She works full time as a pediatric dental assistant. Always the active one, she is part of a community softball league, but still misses playing competitive soccer. Her hobbies include singing and recording her original songs or cover songs. She recently married Rob and her marriage is showcased in our documentary. She is a ray of sunshine in our lives.
Laura (20)
Our first married child, she is settled into her new home and new chapter in her life in Louisiana where her husband is employed. She is also a mother of our little Asher, our first grandchild. As an avid reader she hopes to enroll in a community college there to keep her expansive mind occupied.
Jedediah (19)
Although a dedicated musician, currently an apprentice in sound engineering field. He is also making his own brand of music. He recently has been living in back east for work and is returning to work in one of the family businesses. When he is not making music he helps out with whatever we need. He plans on pursuing a career as a sound engineer and schooling in that field.
Grayson (18)
A senior in high school, he will graduate one semester early. He is one of the primary chauffeurs for the family. Always the responsible one, he has had a part time job since he was 15, even though that meant riding his bike to work, though now he has his own car. He is super athletic and puts those talents into soccer, water skiing and volleyball.
Liesl (17)
She likes to perform her original songs and some covers with her guitar in talent shows, open mic nights and family gatherings. She is a great help around the house and works in our family business. Now the oldest girl at home, she likes to remind Dad she is now a woman. As a high school senior she has made the honor role every quarter this year and is making college plans.
Shad (16)
A Junior in high school, he is working on his sketching and art talents. He is tall, sometimes soft spoken, but his witty sense of humor will often surprise you. He recently got his driver’s license and has had a job for several months. He also enjoys music and would like to use his artistic talent in the field of video game engineering
Louis (16)
Louis, who is now in 10th grade, can do anything he puts his mind to, right now he is working on getting his drivers license. This will help get him to and from his job he has had for several months. This is the one most likely to have a million in the bank. He saves, is resourceful and works hard to get what he wants. Louis has a natural leadership ability that his peers admire.
Logan(15)
Logan is currently in 9th grade, a 4.0 student and the Student Body Vice President at his Junior High School. He was also the lead in last year’s school musical, “You’re A Good Man Charlie Brown”. A talented musician in his own right he is still working on his own guitar and singing and not getting overwhelmed with the female attention.
Ashton (14)
Ashton ended his third year of little league football early after an injury during practice, his arm was broken but he supported his team into the playoffs! He recently surprised us with his awesome dub-step dancing moves, and now performs in our family talent shows. He is in 8th grade and enjoys school. He always has a big smile on his face and is great with the babies.
Madison (13)
Now in 8th grade, she recently appeared in the Jr. High Musical Performance “Seussical the Musical” as a lion. She loves to sing and has also performed in a local talent contest, and enjoys soccer and biking, taking after her older sister. She is a trusted babysitter for friends and neighbors. Her role is invaluable to her mother’s as she is a great role model to her nine younger sisters.
Tavish (13)
He is a star on his little league football team, is very athletic and an intense personality but very nurturing to his younger sisters and brother. He also practices the ukulele. He is in junior high and doing well with adjusting to the more rigorous academic schedule this year.
Kyra (deceased)
She is the inspiration behind all that we do. We dedicate a chapter of the book, ‘Love Times Three’ to her story and why we speak up on her behalf. She would be 12 this year, and she is always near our hearts.
Kyley (11)
Still planning to be a teacher when she grows up, she gets plenty of kids to practice on right here at home. She is also rocking a cute new pair of glasses she just got. She teaches herself songs on the piano and is ALWAYS asking questions, making schedules and keeps us entertained with her “out of the box” thinking and concocting of new ideas.
Sabrina (10)
She loves to sing along with her favorite singer, Taylor Swift. She is athletic, always up for a game of anything. She loves the water and adores anything horses! She enjoys 4th grade and playing with her sisters. She is great with the babies, wants to play the violin, and has a knack for cooking already!
Kadence (9)Kadence is in 4th grade, and very creative. She is a natural artist, drawing very detailed pictures and even making pop-up birthday cards and books. She recently drew some dress designs, complete with accessories for Laura’s wedding, and has written a few songs. She also likes to dance and takes piano lessons.
Allie (9)
Ever the expressive one with her emotions, she loves to draw pictures of people and makes fast friends with others. She just got new eye glasses which have really helped as she loves to read books. She is a future Broadway star with her dramatic abilities.
Vanessa (6)She is very observant for her age and has an inquiring mind. She loves all babies! She is always seen playing with them. She has a natural ability for dance and currently takes lessons for beginners. She is in 1st grade.
Angelina (6)
A darling, independent and sometimes feisty girl who draws people in with her loving ways! She takes dance lessons, and has a knack for new and different hair-do’s. Angelina is in 1st grade with her sister Vanessa.
Boston (5)
One brother surrounded by lots of sisters. He is reading books, signs and packages, anything he can sound out. He is always watching out for his two younger sisters and keeping them entertained. He is full of life, and love for his family members
Krista (3)
She has us all wrapped with her spunky smile. She loves, loves, LOVES books and if she can’t get anyone to read to her she will turn the pages and make it up or recite memorized words. She is constantly seeking her next adventure and sees herself as an adult that can do anything anyone else can do.
Victoria (2 1/2)
She is a different princess or cartoon character or even family member each day. She has fun exploring her world, trying to jump off things that are too high, and reciting the ABC’s. She will most likely be following in the musical footsteps of several of her siblings as she is often singing and making up songs.
Hunter
Came to us as a stray pup. We sometimes call her Gypsy because she is. At various times she has left us to go on “walk abouts” only to our relief, to return to her true home. We chronicle the latest escapade in one of our blogs. She is of German Shepherd descent, is gentle with all of the kids, tolerates their affection and is our best friend.
I heard your interview this morning with Johnny Dare, 98.9 The Rock, Kansas City. As a Lutheran, my hat is off to you! I admire your courage to come forth with the book, the interviews and your abilities to NOT rely on government assistance. I am a single mother of one, 14 month old girl-Gabbie, and refuse to use state assistance. I eat a lot of Ramen noodles to afford the good things for her! Best of luck with continued success on your book.
Take care !!! Kendra
Hi,
I just finished your book, and wanted to say how much I enjoyed it. My life couldn’t be further from yours (I’m single, no kids, pagan), but we are similar in that we live lives different than the mainstream, and just want to be allowed to live with dignity and respect and freedom. Kudos for being brave enough to come out into the spotlight and stand up for what you believe in!
Best wishes for all of you,
~Lori
Thank you for your support. Our is a great country when we can all live by the principles by which it was created, and live free.
Darger Family,
Glad to see another family putting a positive light on the principle under the public spotlight. I too have a plural family with my two wives and (almost) 12 children. One of my wives is a direct descendent of Lorin C. Woolley – the only on in the principle if I understand correctly – though her parents were (are) staunch LDS.
I’m looking forward to obtaining and reading your book. I already have a copy of the first and only Mormon Fundamentalist magazine with the wives/mothers picture on it – I wish there would’ve been more.
I pray for the Lord’s protection in your personal and business lives now that you’ve “come out” publicly. I’ve been willing to do it, but my wives have been retiscent. And, given my other outspokenness in public forums, newspapers, and my running a few Mormon Fundamentalist discussion groups, I wonder how much your efforts will sway the public in your/our favor. But then, perhaps the experiences that will result, good and bad, will be mostly for your benefit. Rub off a few more rough edges! I know I could probably use it!
Well, good on you folks. I enjoyed the video I watched of “The Mighty Sequoyah”. Very talented, great music and lyrics, great crescendo from the beginning of the song to the end.
Best to you all! If we can help, let us know.
Clan Hansen
Chris, Michelle, Candace and family
We appreciate your prayers, and your support. We continue to be humbled and feel blessed at the unique opportunity we have to testify of our truth. Support from families like yours is especially rewarding to us.
Vicki, Valerie & Family,
I have followed your story since I first saw an interview with you on HBO a few years back. I just wanted to say that all the way back to grade school and thru high school with the two of you and all of your siblings I saw a wonderful loving family that has obviously carried on into a beautiful one of your own. Vicki, you will always be in my heart as one of my best childhood friends. I respect your lifestyle and love for your children and husband and wish you the best in your lives. I have always been intrigued by your family structure and fully support what makes you all so happy. Good luck with your book and everything going forward!
Alyson
Thank you Alyson! I often think back with fondness on my memories of you and I mastering our tricks on the bars. I recently tried to perform a few of those tricks when I brought my daughters to a nearby park. I am definitely out of practice, but still slightly impressed with myself. I remember inviting you to my house and wondering how you would react, all the kids, noise, messes etc. in contrast to your quiet, immaculately clean house. I felt you were a true friend. It would be fun to catch up sometime! Thank you for your support and wishes for our family. My family is everything to me which is why they are worth standing up for!
Lots of love to you,
Vicki
Hi! Im just reading your article and i get a big surprise. I live in middle east where people can have up to 4 wives, but i never met some happy family here. Most of my friends that are a first or second wife live in depression so how all of you handle the jealous. How to deal with the big family, I have 4 kids and is so hard to educate them. Also Im impress with all this kids and all of you keep this nice figure and young looking. Good bless your family…
We know our share of plural families that have struggled, but we know many that are happy. We will continue to share insights into our family via this blog and hopefully share things and tips that we do in parenting and relationships that can help anyone in any relationship or any size family. Thank you for your warm wishes.
Right on a beautiful faithful family that most monogamous Americans can only dream about…may biblical living be restored in our lifetime!
You are a self-proclaimed rabbi, and you speak for yourself. You are entitled to your opinion, but you are lying about being a rabbi.
Just read your book, and couldn’t rest until I published an article about it! Thank you for enlightening the rest of us – you gave the world a lot to think about!
Here’s the link to my article: http://midshorelife.com/article/love-times-three-peek-inside-modern-polygamy
Thank you for your support. We loved the review. We can only hope more of the world can have their eyes and their minds opened.
I saw your interview today on Dr. Phil, I enjoyed listening to your story! This life style is not for me but I find it very very interesting! I can’t wait to get my hand on your book and learn more. Thank you so much for sharing with the world…and Thank you for sharing your family!
God Bless you all,
Tiffine
Iam amaze!!!! from Puerto Rico, God bless !!! beautiful family…..
From Puerto Rico, God bless !!! beautiful family…..amaze!!!
I saw your interview on Dr. Phil today and really enjoyed listening to your story. I look forward to reading your book.
As a therapist with a private practice, I was disappointed to hear that it has been difficult for you to find a therapist that would work with your family! It breaks my heart to think of a couple/family needing support/help around their relationship(s) only to be greeted with judgment for their lifestyle. Keep looking for that open-minded therapist, we are out there!!
I saw your interview on Dr.Phil and enjoyed it. I think your family is beautiful and hope that people will not be so judgemental of your lifestyle and your religious views. Can’t wait to read your book!
I think it’s wonderful that you put your story out there. We live in a country where were are free to worship as we please. I am part of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. While I may not agree with your lifestyle…. I don’t disagree either because it is no place of mine or others to judge. I believe our Heavenly Father looks at each of our hearts accordingly. I’m a flawed human being who is constantly striving to choose the right. If I may be wrong I pray God forgives my error.
Anywho, I’m rambling. I support you guys and you are in my prayers constantly, especially for those circumstances when the enemy is against you.
Prayerfully from Georgia,
Sarah
I really enjoyed your book! It was very well written. I have never understood why your lifestyle is illegal. I am not religious, but I am behind you 100%. I admire anyone that is willing to fight for what they believe in and I wish your family the best.
Wow, I was very disapproving of the idea of what I had understood of this type of marriage, but after watching Dr. Phil’s show with your family, I am amazed! While I still personally choose my single marriage, I really do believe each wife is given the same time/care/support that I receive from my husband. Do not let society push the ‘common’ perception onto your family. You are doing the right thing by showing your commitment and your love and your amazing family to the western world. Thank you for showing the positive side of polygamy, as only the negative seems to get our attention in the media.
“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere”- Martin Luther King Jr.
Amazing book! Amazing Family! I was a Mormon for 56 years. Left the church 10 years ago. One of my issues was polygamy. After researching church history, I could not accept that it was divinely inspired. All I could see was abuse of women and children. Your story gives me a very different perspective. I felt I was reading the story of true Latter Day Saints. I respect your beliefs and strongly support your efforts to decriminalize polygamy. You are a credit to the LDS faith, whether they accept you or not.
BTW – That was an interesting paragraph about President John Taylor and the Priesthood Council with a separate line of priesthood authority outside of the church organization. I had never heard that before. Makes sense to me.
Glen,
It gave me chills reading your comment, thank you for such a heart felt expression! We believe all faith is to bring all of God’s children closer to Him, and in the end it is a deeply personal experience. We truly hope our friends in the LDS Church, whether they believe that this Principle of Plural Marriage is for this life or the next, will not be ashamed of their history. We hope our Christian friends can see that our faith is rooted in Jesus Christ, and we hope all of our brothers and sisters on this earth, will choose to not see our differences but to see we all share the common human experience and that we are all God’s children.
They are not true Latter-Day saints!!! Not at all!
I am an atheist and do NOT believe that religious principles belong in legislation. Further, for most of human history, polygamy was the norm. I think we live in a society that can accommodate different types of family arrangements. As long as children are being provided with their material and emotional needs WHO CARES??
P.S. I am in a “traditional” monogamous marriage.
I found out about your story during the interview on the O’reilly Factor. I must admit, he came across much more gracious and open minded to your situation than I expected him to be. I hope that was really the treatment your family received from him. On to my point, I fully believe that whatever marital circumstances that any number of consenting adults arrange is no ones business but theirs. It concerns me that some people defend gay marriage for example, but view families like yours with scorn and ridicule. I have a hard enough time keeping up with one wife, so I can’t say that polygamy would be my choice, but I’m glad that it works for your family, and I will defend your right to make that choice. And Joe, you are a lucky sonofagun. You have very beautiful wives.
Having grown up in a plural family, I always believed I would as an adult as well. While that didn’t happen, I still hold true many of the things I was taught and believe. Many of my siblings now live plural marriage and I defend and respect all those who live it honorably. I joined the LDS church a few years ago and currently live in a monogamous marriage, but honestly, given the chance to join someone’s family as a plural wife…I’d jump at the chance!
I’m not familiar with LDS or polygamy but isn’t divorce still considered a sin, you said you would “jump at the chance” to join a family as a plural wife? I’m not being rude just truly curious?
I believe that RJBE was meaning that she “would have accepted the offer without delay, had the man proposing been married”. I do not read anything like she prefers plural marriage to the one she is enjoying now. However, (I guess) she is not unhappy if her husband was to bring a second one.
I read your book, very interesting, and spiritually enlightening. I admire your courage. I am not sure a poly lifestyle or a mono lifestyle can be lead perfectly in this imperfect world, but you are trying. I would be happy to count you as my friends, though I would never adapt your lifestyle in this world. Maybe on a trip to SLC, we can meet someday. I am curious though, since at the end of your book you claim to hold most dearly to the tenets of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, do you watch or attend their semi-annual conferences?
Thank you Rick for your compliments. We do watch conference on occasion. We also have had our children attend LDS church at times. If they would have us and allow us to embrace all of our principles we would be part of the LDS Church.
I love the idea of a polygamy family. I am a single mom to 3 kids. I wished I could find people interested in having a polygamy family. But in wyoming I have not been able to find anyone.
I was reading these relplies and came across yours. I was beginning to think I was the only one who has looked into this at no luck. I am from Texas and I think it is very unheard of here. Yes we have LDS here but I have not ever heard of any in this kind of marriage. I think this is a wonderful lifestyle.I have read alot of things about the children in this kind of life and to me all I can see is good things come of it. Good luck in your search.
If it is in your heart and that is the life you truly desire, a move may be a small feat to gain what warms your desires
Your book continues to enforce no matter how old I am, at 55, I have so much more to learn about in life. I’ve told so many co-workers about how much I have learned about your lifestyle and great family values! I was intrigued with the turn of every page and often thought to myself, oh, if I could only have grown up with a Dad, three moms and all of those brothers and sisters! You make me feel I’ve missed out on so much family life. I’m so glad you came out as a family to introduce America to what it really means, and what great effort it takes to run a plural marriage/family. I had no idea. Thank you for educating me. Could I book at weekend getaway at your house for $500? I’d pitch in and cook!
Russ
To Joe, Vicky, Val, and Alina,
I enjoyed reading your book and it opened my eyes to a very unique lifestyle. You have a beautiful family. You all are sincere in your faith, thoughtful and possess character and integrity. I myself could never share a man – it seems like it is always the woman that has to do the spiritual growing. Jealousy is one emotion I can never get used to. Men never ever want to share their women – no matter the number.
I respect that you have never taken government assistance to pick up the tab for all your kids. But my concern is that of the problem of overpopulation – because I think there are families – both monagamous and polygymous – that have kids that they cannot suport so depend on the government and the taxpayer to pay the cost. I know that the FLDS depends on government support. I do not know if the planet can support unlimited population growth. China had to enact a law of one child per family because the population growth just got out of hand. I really believe in the idea of birth control and population control. The earth has limited resources. So this is an aspect of polygamy that distrubs me. Otherwise, I know that you are raising ethical, intelligent and productive kids who will make a postitivbe contribution to society.
Sincerely,
Erika
The overpopulation is really a myth. There is to many people in city’s. If we quit living in citys we could have more space. If you would like more information go to http://overpopulationisamyth.com/ you will find some good information.
Hi there, just thought I might add, that polygamy does not go hand in hand with over population. A woman is going to have as many kids as a woman is going to have no matter who she marries (provided she is fertile). I do think that people who grow up in polygamist communities do have a mindset of wanting larger families than the average American, though.
I too also believe that over population is a myth. Cities are crowded, but if you go for a drive across the states you will find lots of areas with very little population. I do believe that if you have children, it is your responsibility to provide the means for that child to exist. Which includes every aspect, physical needs, emotional, education, etc. I do not believe it is anyone else’s responsibility but yours. Kudos to the Dargers for being such hard working individuals to provide for such a large family. Not everyone could do that. Families like that are an asset to society, not a burden.
I do think the Earth has limited resources which can be scary at times because I know one day those resources running out will be reality. But I also believe that as long as we are putting our all into doing things exactly the way we believe God wants to see it done, if it should come to the point where we do run out of resources, God WILL provide a way. Sometimes all you need is a little faith.
I just finished listening to your interview on NPR. I agree that polygamy should be decriminalized, but I still have personal issues with it. I feel like it promotes infidelity in an indirect way. Since the husband (and less often the wife) never really stops “shopping around” for a new addition for the family, the initial courtship of a new woman would, in my eyes, be considered cheating. I feel like basically you’re just swingers who happen to live together. That being said, I’m fine with consenting adults being swingers that live together.
Wow I am surprised at Erin’s comment above comparing multiple marriages (state sanctioned or not) the commitment of children, and individual(s) supporting the entire group, emotionally, financially, health-wise, the sharing of resources, mutual care-taking of children:yours. mine, ours- etc., with ‘swinging’ which from what I have heard does not encompass or even approach the same kind of scenario at all, let alone assume any kind of family, l;et alone marriage. I mean, there may be other scenarios that while they still are not reflective of the Darger family could be historical , various cultures or biblical that would even be closer than this strange comparison.
Even the logic is wrong in comparing whatever ‘swinging’ is with infidelity, which at the very least suggest sneakiness , while with with ‘swinging’ , I have heard that is something any kind of couple(s) enter into together, as one-dimensional as it may be, and certainly does not necessarily imply or contain all the commitments listed above, let alone love, whereas simple infidelity could be anything from a ‘one night stand’ to what is called an ‘affair’ or even something longer-term and more complex- but none of these are comparable to the Darger’s or what could be termed ‘modern-day polygamy’, whatever the configuration happens to be, the assumption is family and committed relationships, the physical side of it probably not being the foci , whereas in swinging, it appears from every TV, article, etc., that appears be the foci, and any kind of family or emotional stuff is kept separate or reserved for the individual couple outside the ‘swinger’ activities.
So while the poster Erin certainly has the right to her opinions, I believe I have effectively destroyed the argument/comparison she made. She also makes the assumption that the man is constantly ‘shopping around’ while that may not be the case at all. Just because it is possible doesn’t mean the man is looking to marry, or otherwise, every woman he finds attractive.
Intellectually, the argument can also be made as to what is considered infidelity. Some believe it is simply physical, but there are unfortunately many forms of betrayal that can far outstrip something simply physical. Even in the law what is considered ‘fiduciary duty’ , if one explores that, it is far more all-encompassing than that. Without trying to sound like either Andrea Dworkin or Ayn Rand (the latter of who had very complex relationships), the essence of the law of fiduciary duty is that one is not supposed to act or leverage power/advantage against the other, whether it be regarding things financial or children or threats, etc.
I really like what you are saying, and am glad I found your website. Please keep it up.
You may or may not want to put this up ( I know sometimes you don’t always approve posts for whatever reason but I’m not the type to take offense at all, I understand though you may get whatever my point was, others may not, believe me me I get it) but anyway, I found a couple articles, if you can call it that, in all their glorious inaccurac(ies) , and thought you might want to know about them simply because once again, not only is your life inaccurately and ‘broadly-brushed’ (like all polygamists are FLDS compound underage, or incesty etc.) but some articles don’t even have it together enough to distinguish between your life and bigamy, or they know very well it isn’t the same thing but intentionally want to confuse the issue.
I’m sure you are all well-versed in the constant tying together of things that don’t necessarily fit, or even outright lies- but there are people out there who just believe whatever they see/hear. Clearing up misrepresentation, inaccuracies, and making distinctions are important in what you’re doing and even though it may be rough to read or make you mad, or at the very least shake your heads, it’s good to know about.
http://www.aolnews.com/2011/03/21/man-charged-with-polygamy-after-defriending-first-wife-on-face/
“Thanks to Facebook, this accused polygamist’s relationship status is, well, “complicated.” Police in Michigan say they were able to arrest a polygamist after he “defriended” his first wife on Facebook. Richard Leon Barton’s first wife went to authorities after she realized her husband had married another woman in July, nixed their Internet friendship and posted photos of his second wedding on the popular social network.”
If the first wife didn’t know, and with the second had a ‘legal wedding/certificate’ that is not polygamy, and told the second he was divorced, that’s bigamy, right? If I’m wrong , I’m wrong but I think he has his definitions mixed up at the very least.
Here’s another one (you have to go back a page to see the beginning of this part of the article that addresses this segment- but (one of and probably biggest) problems is here is they are linking the practice of polygamy as it is practiced in a USA cultural , historical, Westernized and now modernized sense…with the middle-east , and even equating the practice there with radical extremists, the first page starting off with some truths, some half-truths and then building to this fear-mongering and gross inaccuracy (at least as applied to Western, modern-day)- consistently I see this comparison- sure, while polygamy is common world-wise, it is also expressed differently culturally, even within the greater Mormon culture itself- and I don’t see how it is at all linked to say the middle-east and/or how it is lived/expressed in tribal practices etc., in various other countries. This stuff must infuriate you, but at the same time, it is good to know about, so when you do give interviews , you can straighten out what people may have just believed ‘(duh because they saw it on TV or read it in a magazine or a site, it must be true’ mentality) :
“However, polygyny itself is not a sufficient cause of suicide bombing. Societies in sub-Saharan Africa and the Caribbean are much more polygynous than the Muslim nations in the Middle East and North Africa. And they do have very high levels of violence. Sub-Saharan Africa suffers from a long history of continuous civil wars—but not suicide bombings.”
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200706/ten-politically-incorrect-truths-about-human-nature?page=3
or this one that makes it look like you are campaigning for the legalization, when in fact you are not signing up to want the government in your business and they make it about that and try to establish hypocrisy that isn’t there. If they were truly interested in letting adults live their lives as they see fit, they are the ones who wouldn’t be so invested in throwing stones- because it sure looks like they are the ones ‘protecting’ the status quo, not you all.
http://www.conservativerefocus.com/blog5.php/2011/10/07/a-slippery-slope-polygamists-now-demanding-equal-access-to-marriage-along-with-gays
My family learned about your family tonight on, 20/20? While I don’t follow the polygamist beliefs, I do respect your life choices. The first polygamist family that sparked an interest in me was the Brown family. I found their lives interesting and I enjoy learning new things about others. Watching your families, shows us a new light in the polygamist religion. As long as there is no marrital or child abuse, who are we to say who someone should love?
During the final moments of the show, where your children talked about losing friends and being taunted at school over your religion, my son and I was still watching. My heart sank, children shouldn’t have to endure such hatred. Our son is 14 and he said that he’d never do this to someone if he learned they lived as your children do. We both agreed that those children were not true friends if they turned their backs on your children.
I don’t know how you are able to provide for such a large family or keep from pulling your hair out with all of the sibling rivalry but, kudos to you for standing up for your beliefs and sharing your beautiful family!
I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed meeting and visiting with some of your family at a book signing last night. I came home and anxiously started reading your book and couldnt put it down. I just finished it and I have to say I am almost jealous. You have a beautiful family and your story touched me in so many ways. I have always been raised to believe in polygamy even though my parents never had the oppurtunity to live it. I have been married to a wonderful man for almost 18 years and have 5 beautiful children and yet I have always felt like something was missing. I hope and pray every day for the chance to experience even a fraction of all the joy and love that can come from this lifestyle. I think you are all wonderful examples of faith, strong committment and unconditional love. My heart goes out to you all and I wish you the very best!
Melinda,
We enjoyed seeing you as well! We would have liked to visit more. Glad you enjoyed the book as well. Thank you again for your support and positive feedback.
Vicki
nice faimly
Hello Darger Family.
I am a 26 year old from the Netherlands.
My parents where divorce when I was 11.
My father he died last year was a good person
Only one with a alchol problem
So the father/daughter relation ship was not always good.
You could also imagine that is was also hard for my mother
Because she had no one to go tho for mariage suport.
Luckley I have a Uncle maried to my mothers Sister,
Who help my mother to rais me, to the person I am today.
My mother sister is my Godmother as we ar catholic
And I consider her as my second mother.
And my cousin her daughter is my best friend.
I am not saying that my mother should marry her brother in law.
But we are very lucky that this man “suport” a second family next to his own.
With love
Ellen
I just wanted to say how much I love your family! Although I am still figuring out my spiritual beliefs, in my heart I’ve always wanted to live a polygamist lifestyle. Your family has inspired me to look further into the Principle. Your lives seem so full of love and happiness, I truly look up to you. Your book is the first thing on my Christmas list and I’m sure I’ll find some of the guidance I’m looking for.
Obviously I’m in full support of the decriminalization of polygamy, but for one man to be married to three of the most beautiful women I have ever seen… it’s just not fair
Hillary,
Thank you for your kind words. Let us know what you think about the book after you finish it. Our spiritual journey is the most important thing we will do in our lives and one of the most challenging, so we wish you well with that path. We only wish that all people, so long as they seek that spiritual path in a way that they can account for the dictates of their conscience can choose so freely.
And you are correct, it is not fair how beautiful they are, I definitely married up!
Joe
Hi Joe:
I am a university student, in Ontario Canada. My class mates and I are grouped to provide a presentation on Polygamy. I would like to be in contact with you, and tell your story as a part of our presentation. Would you be willing to share? maybe we can do a video, or teleconference? That would be great. What do you think? We would like to educate ourselves and our class mates on your chosen lifestyle.
I just finished your book. It was so interesting that I couldn’t put it down until I was done. I respect your lifestyle, am just not sure I could live it. But you all seem so happy and there seems to be so much love! Glad it is working for you.
Kristi,
We are glad you enjoyed the book. Thank you for taking the time to post! We certainly don’t think it is for everyone, but just want to be able to live freely as we choose.
Joe
Good Afternoon, I have just finished watching the Dr. Phil show and it is so refreshing to see a family that are polygamist and are living a joyful life. I am curious about polygamy and want to talk to others of this life style. Where would I start?
Merry Christmas,
Natalie
Natalie,
Merry Christmas to you. Maybe our book will answer many of your questions about polygamy as it goes into it much deeper than we could on the show. There are also some online forums of polygamous people, Mormon, Christian and Muslim depending on what you are looking for as well. Of course when we are able we are more than willing to answer questions on our blog. God bless,
Dargers
Hi, we live in Florida and saw you on the Dr. Phil show. We are not a big fan of Dr. Phil but we feel the Lord has given us a vison to seek out a pural marriage. We loved the show and how there was a lot of repect to you and your family. My wife and I have been in the ministery for over 30yrs.We have given up friends and church people to believe the way we feel in our hearts. We are still looking for another wife to share with and love. Thank you for your inspiration and hope. We will be praying with you to live the way we hope to. Cindie and Hal
Dear Darger Family
I just recently finished your book and I honestly can say that I could not put it down! I checked it out from the library after I saw your family on Dateline. I just want you all to know that I grew up just knowing about polygamy from the news and all the bad press that Warren Jeffs created and the FLDS church in Texas. I want you all to know that you have completely changed my perspective on the subject. I would love to learn more.
Thank you all for opening my eyes!
God Bless
I just got done reading your book after being very interested in your story on Dr. Phil. All I can say is WOW! My heart was touched and although I am a very happily married gal, the things you have all talked about with your relationships with one another and your children really provided insight in my own life. Monogamous or Polygamous this book should be viewed by ANYONE wanting to strengthen their own relationships! i know I will forever be moved and inspired by the functionality in your family! You all are a true inspiration and I certainly hope that if America is ready and willing to legalize Gay marriage that they will be touched by your story as i was and legalize your ways of life as well. No one should be prosecuted for living the wonderful life you all do!
Thanks for sharing your story and life with the rest of the world!
Jamie,
Thank you for sharing your experience in reading the book.
Val
Hi! I just finished reading our book and I have to say it was one of the best books I have ever read. Thank you very much for sharing your story. I laughed and I cried while reading about times through out your life and it was very inspirational to me. My husband and I have been married for 6 years and we have recently started discussing the polygamist lifestyle. I just dont know if I could share him. Needless to say I am the one holding us back from this lifestyle. After reading your book and reading the Bible and Prayer my husband feels this is the path in which God is calling him. I however fully support the idea but am not sure if I could do it. I have been praying and seeking God’s will on the situation. I feel that the U.S. should legalize it because we should all have freedom of religion without having to worry about being prosecuted for it. I admire you all for sharing your life with us and I fully enjoyed the book I couldn’t put it down. It really opened my eyes to alot of things. Thank You and God Bless You All
Bobbi
Bobbi
That is high praise, thank you for your kind words. We feel strongly that it should be out of faith and not for selfish reasons. The thought of sharing is always hard and understandably so. Turning to God and finding His will is the only way. It has to be something you are absolutely sure of and never anything that you feel pressured to do, or do because you think you should feel good about. Many blessings to you and your husband on a righteous journey.
Thank you Alina. I really appreciate your response. My husband amd I are definitely seeking God’s will. If plural marriage is what He has planned for us then I feel He will let us know and He will help me with my insecurities. Thank you again for your reply and for your well wishes . Take Care and God Bless
Darger family, thanks for having the courage to share your story. You’ve inspired me, standing up for your family and your beliefs is so very hard. Your sacrifices will pay off in the future. I hope you would consider writing another book.
Thank you for your support and for believing in us! What would you like to see another book about?
Your lives are extraordinarily different. Your family struggles on several different fronts. Surely the stories of your struggles could not be limited to one book. As you’ve proven in your first book, families come in all shapes and sizes, and those families should be allowed and even encouraged in this country. Continuing to chronicle your struggles could only encourage people to see your seemingly taboo lifestyle as something most people could eventually relate too. People tend to accept what they can relate too. Best wishes for happiness in the future Darger family!
I love your book! It’s inspiring! I don’t see why the law doesn’t legalize polygamy. I brought your book and in five hours I finished it. It makes me want to choose this lifestyle. Your wives are not oppressed and your children are so happy! I been a monogamous for 9 years and I’m getting bored over here. I’m happy you guys wrote your book because it inspired me. The book is a eye opener and hopefully you guys can write another book. God Bless you all and your family!!! I pray that one day Polygamy can be legalized:) Happy New Years and many blessings to your wonderful family! We support you!
I haven’t read your book, but I have seen your wonderful family on 20/20 and Dr Phil. I am very impressed in the love and dedication that you have within your family and I think that some “regular” families could have a lot to learn in that regard, where in this day and age the kids are plonked in front of electrical devices and pretty much ignored. Great parenting.
I just watched your interview on Dr. Phil, and i am really looking forward too reading your book. I have read books before on polygamist marriages but have never reacted the way i have to your story. Although our lives are somewhat different (i am married, with 2 small children) i would like too say i think your beautiful family is amazing! You need too be applauded, there appears too be so much love and caring and respect within your family, it is truely beautiful too see. Whether you live with 3 sister wives or 10, a house with that much love could only be a blessing too be amoungst.
Donna
Donna
It’s nice to hear from mothers like yourself, it is evident that you too have a lot of love in your family to get it. We hope by sharing our experiences good and bad we can inspire families every where to be the best they can be.
I cannot wait to read this book! (:
Lots of love to your family from New Zealand!
I love your family!!! i dated sam about 2 years ago and i can honestly say i have never met a family with more love and warmth! You helped me through a very emotional time and for that i can never repay you! Congratulations on the book! I loved it!! and Thank You for all that you did for me!
I just read your book and i thought it was a wonderful counter to all the tragic stoies pooring out of the flds community. It makes me sad that people generalize based on the worst examples.
Although not in a plural marriage i could relate to alot of the day to day in your world, all be it on a much smaller scale! My ex-husband, current partner and myself co-parent and maintain a very close relationship. As a result we have suffered ridicule from friends and family. Dealing with strange looks and snide comments is hard enough, i can’t imagine the strength each one you posess to be able to stay this course and keep so much light and love in yout hearts!
I was introduced to your family through your son, Samuel. I knew him from middle school in Riverton where we became friends. After middle school, I didn’t see him or speak to him until recently. We have gotten to know each other pretty well and continue to become better friends. He boasted about his large family and how he wouldn’t have it any other way. He spoke about the book you published and encouraged me to read it. I purchased it and couldn’t put it down, frequently asking Sam questions. I finished it in literally two days. I truly have had my faith shaken by your family. Between Sam and your words in your book, I have further developed my own beliefs and have been learning the power of prayer as well as fasting. I am amazed by the love and how tight knit your family is. You truly are a phenomenal example of what family should be. I have gained so much respect and admiration for your strength and perseverance through your journey. I get butterflies when i tell others about the book that should be next on their reading list. I even have been teaching my own parents about what I have learned about polygamy in hopes they will be another voice in acceptance for all. Thank you for voicing your story to help others understand and become more accepting. It certainly has changed my views and made me want to be a better person as well as inspired me to establish a firm standing in what I believe in. Your story will definitely stay close to my heart. You and your children deserve all the blessings life has to offer! Take care and God bless.
Kristen
P.S. You raised an amazing son! He is easily one of the most respectful, kind, and definitely one of the smartest people I have ever known. I am so grateful to have met him!
Kristen,
Wow! We are touched by your kind words and the impact on your life you have expressed. We most certainly hope to be able to meet you in person. Thank you for getting the message of love and being willing to share it. We are humbled by such a sincere expression as yours and hope we remain worthy of such emulation.
Alina,
Thank you again from the bottom of my heart!
I hope to meet you all as well. Sooner is better than later, I’m sure of it! It’s been a very life changing experience for me and I have Samuel to thank for starting the flame.
Kristen
I just read your book. It was refreshing to read a book filled with so much love. From the love and respect each wife has for the other to the care and planning each person contributes to the family. Even in your darkest days you still found a positive answer by helping others. I think you are a model family and while no family is ever perfect you have given each member a solid foundation to build a productive life. Thank you for sharing your families story.
Amanda
On another note, can the ladies please share all of their money saving ideas? I am a couponer and follow many money saving blogs, but feel I could do better.
Amanda,
We will definitely add money saving ideas to it. Vicki has written some blogs on that in the past, but we will expand the category “saving money” to explain the economics of our family.
Thank you for all the hard work you are doing. To have polygamy decriminalized seems like an overwhelming task, but I appreciate your efforts in taking it on. The United States abolished slavery and segregation. The United States accepts gay and lesbian lifestyles. In the huge number of cases where there are no abuses, why can’t the people of this country open their hearts and minds to the concept of plural marriage among consenting adults?
Dear family
I live in the Netherlands and just saw your family on the dr. Phil show. You can be very proud on yourselves while you are living your lives the way you want to.
I saw a lot of love and respect for each other and think you are a very nice and loving family!
I wish you lots of love
Ineke
I wanted to say that I enjoyed reading your book! I also used it in a final exam paper (I chose to do it on Fundamentalist Mormons and Polygamy)that I did for my Multicultural Counseling class, for my Masters degree in Counseling. I am a Social Worker and love to learn about different cultures and religions. I was intrigued to learn more about your religion when I fell in love with the show “Sister Wives.”
I wanted to let you know as a Social Worker, I am a non-judgemental person, and reading your book helped me understand what kind of person that I wanted to be in my daily life and in my career choice. I believe that everyone in the world has the right to their own thoughts, believes and ways of life as long as they are not harming themselves or another.
Your family is an amazing family and if you’re ever in Wisconsin, send an email I would love to meet your family!! I send blessings and love on everything that you and your family does!!
Winter
Thank you, what a wonderful and too often a thankless profession to go into. Our respect goes out to you. We are making friends everywhere and would love to go to Wisconsin some day! We are hoping to get some Fundamentalists social workers, we currently have two that we are aware going to school and hope they are able to make a difference.
I just read through most of your website and was left with the impression of a very happy, healthy family. As a psychologist, I think that the arrangement you have is probably more stable and less stressful than most conventional marriages, and certainly better for raising children. Congratulations on your courage and hard work in creating a wonderful family!
i just read an article in a dutchnews paper that brought me here i can see the love you have for each other and it should not matter if you have a love times three as longs
as you al agree and love each other
sending you all lots of love from the netherlands
We have had lots of comments from our new Dutch friends, thank you for sending your love!
Dear all,
i found you deleted my post as I straightforwardly asked some question which migh be your privacy, however which is most concerned by us who has only single marriage i think, So, pls don’t mind. and would you pls tell me about my question?
I honestly send blessings and love on everything that you and your family does!!
Kermit,
Thank you for your support. If you read through our book and this blog I think you will find most of your questions answered concerning our intimate life.
Dear Dargers just finished the book and loved it! Thank so much for having the courage to share your life choices and beautiful family I learnt so much from you all on the need to continuously work on your relationships to achieve true fulfilment and happiness. I will always remember what I have learnt from your book. You should all be proud that you are making a contribution to a future where all of mankind lives and lets live. God bless you and best wishes.
Hello from a fellow American in Denmark…
While looking for the Sister Wives’ book on Amazon, I stumbled upon your’s and after reading the excerpt, I placed my order. Now I am waiting *patiently… not* for it’s arrival. To be honest, your lifestyle fascinates me. I’m looking forward to learning more about polygamy and the Principle. It totally blows my mind that while so many states and countries, for that matter, are recognizing same sex unions, polyogamy is still so controversial. What I see when I look at your family is a man and his wives dedicated to raising a family together. I also see parents who want what is best for their children. How is that so different from anyone else? I wish you and yours all the best. I’m lookin forward to ‘getting to know you’ through your book and your blog.
May God continue to bless you…
Shannon
Shannon,
Thank you for reaching out. You are the first from Denmark. Very cool. Let us know about the book when you get it. You can also follow us on Facebook and Twitter at The Darger Family. We hope you will continue to share a message of faith, family and freedom, of love to all. We get comments from all over the world of people surprised that the country founded on religious freedom still denies us ours. But it shows the power of ignorance, stereotypes and fear. Thank you again for your support and send our love the Denmark.
Joe
After following your interview over BBC via the programme Outlook yesterday morning,I wish to extend my spiritual and moral support for your marriage which is both natural and historical say compared to same sex marriage.
I have not had the chance to read your book yet but I am learning more and more each and everyday. As a new convert to the LDS church i have been intrigued by all aspects of church history and have gone as far as trying to do my own research on the FLDS and learn more about those who still follow the basic and original princples of the church. I am blessed to be in a ward full of people who are not ashamed of the true church history so it has been a true blessing to be able to learn from those who know more then I . We were actually discussing a few weeks ago in relif society how after Joseph Smith was martyrd Brigham Young took on many of his wives. Anyways though I live in a “traditional” non polygamous marriage I love the love and strength you have for one another and I look forward to learning more. I wish you all the best and God bless you and your family.
I think yall are crazy. The biblical perspective of marriage is between one man and one wife. You got the man and women part right and that’s good. But its between one man and one women . Not one man and multiple women. Is one not enough. You need to study your Bible. This is wrong. I am personally glad its illegal. I will be praying for yall to realize. I’m not trying to sound mean, just want you to realize this is a sin.
Monogamy was invented by the Roman nobility because they wanted mistresses instead of wives (no economical commitment you see) and until than all religions and cultures were polygamous (including pagan traditions). The biblical patriarchs were polygamous, and according to roman and Jewish civil records Christ had at least 3 wives. Polygamy was accepted in Judea at the time of Christ and accepted in Christendom until about 1350, though not often practiced outside of certain circles. There is a written debate between a Spanish lord and a Cardinal on the family benefits of Polygamy. Point is READ YOUR SCRIPTURES, Polygamy is absolutely Biblical.
The fact that you believe that Christ had any wives at all is proof enough that you do not believe in the Bible. Cursed are those that add to the Holy Book like you have done.
To Rachel – Men had multiple wives in New Testament times. The restriction on having a single wife was specifically for those serving the church.
To Max – Of course Jesus didn’t have three wives. Unless you’re talking about another guy with the same name. Plus, saying something is biblical means that it is included in the text of the bible. It does not indicate approval or disapproval. Incest was biblical. The Flood was biblical. Babies being sacrificed to Ba’al was biblical. Cain killing his brother was biblical. Those who practice polygyny like the Dargers and the Browns do it because they are deeply connected to and rooted in their faith in G-d. This is an integral part of walking out their faith. They don’t do it just because it appears in the text of the Bible.
I am not sure if I am missing something, but I haven’t figured out in this whole story how you finance such a large family? What kind of job does Joe have and can he support them all or are you on some government assistance too?
Just wondering how we would swing that if we went that direction?
I just wanted to say that I think what y’all are doing is wonderful. I really commend you for speaking up. Anyone who reads your book or watched the airing, can clearly see how much love is in your family, and that is amazing. Most marriages today in the US are broken, and here you’ve managed to maintain three! I don’t think you should be criticized or judged, but rather be an example. I don’t personally think polygamy is for everyone, but everyone can really take away from the values and morals of your family. I was a little hesitant to read the book, I’ll admit. I’d followed the Sister Wives show, and was unsure how I felt about the situation entirely, until a friend suggested Love Times Three, and I approve wholeheartedly with your way of life.
Much love,
Janine Starling
Janine,
We agree with you it is not for everyone, in fact it is not for most people, but we would not want it any other way. Thank you for sharing the impact of the book with us. Your message is heartfelt and we appreciate the love you send our way. We hope there are more people like you in the world who recognize the need for more loving, committed and stronger families everywhere, no matter how they are structured.
Hi there,
I only recently finished reading your book and I couldnt put it down. Until I read your book I had a different impression of your belief system but I look favourly upon it now. I pray that you and your family continue to find happiness and that you stay safe. You seem to be amazing people and I wish you the best
Dear Dargers,
I finished your book a few days ago, and in a strange way i feel like i’m missing you guys!
I saw you some time ago on the Dr. Phil show, and bought the book right away. Here in The Netherlands, there is no discussion about polygamy, i’m not sure it even exists here. I think it would be excepted here, as long as the husband doesn’t want to be legally married to all of his wives. As long as you don’t hurt anyone, it should be ok
Hallo .
I come from Danmark, and i love your live style.
I live in Danmark and here Polygami is not legal.
I admire your way of life and wish I could live like that. but it impossible in Denmark as it is a very closed environment. I do not thrive in ordinary circumstances in a relationship, and do not believe that humans were created to live in a monogamous relationship. I am 23 years old and I hope that when I get married it will be like you. although it probably will not happen.
love Maria
Hello! My name is Robyn and I’m 17 from Canada. I’m in the process of reading your book and am now writing an essay about polygamy and it’s effects on women. I’m not trying to show polygamy in a bad light at all but I’m just interested in how it works. I was wondering if Vicki, Valerie or Alina still feel to this day jealously towards each other or if it was just something they had to get over at first? Also, do you feel like Valerie, being the latest wife, gets any more attention than the rest of the wives do or is it pretty much equal? This next question might be too personal, and you don’t have to answer it if you don’t feel comfortable but starting out- before you wrote the book and all- did you ever suffer financial difficulties trying to support your wives and kids?
Thank you! Robyn
Robyn,
Thank you for your support. One of the ladies is going blog more about your questions as they are good. They certainly have never denied having jealousy. Writing the book actually caused a financial strain as it took so much of our time, especially the ensuing interviews and time we spend on it, given what we have to do. We have had a times depending on the economy or job situations times when we have struggled more than others, but have been fortunate to avoid any outside financial help and always provide for the basics of our family.
What a beautiful family you have. I only hope that mine is as large and loving as yours one day……… P.S. I think you need to add your sweet little grandson to this page of family members.
I just finished reading your book and i loved it. I had heard on the news about Jeffs and what he did, it definitely put a bad light on plural marriage. Your family is amazing, i come from a traditional family but there were 8 of us. The love that is shown in your family is wonderful. I like they idea of keeping the family together in one house. I hope that someday the legal system can see that your way of life is no different than that of a gay/lesbian couple, and change the laws on plural marriage.
This may seem like a silly question but from a woman’s point of view are you guys ever jealous of each other? Or feel as if you want or need more from your husband than you get?
Hi Joe. I am raised a true blue southern belle so polygamy is about as foreign as aliens to us southerners. As far as I know you guys are states away. I’ve been watching the Sister Wives since it came on to try to gain a better understanding of polygamist out of curiosity as a woman and the religous aspect from your point of views. I’m not at all interested in who’s night it is or the jealousy questions. (It’s frankly none of my business.) My questions is more simple. I really found I liked you and your wives were very articulate and seemed to be strong women on SW’s. But here is my question that I can’t seem to wrap my brain around. I live and read from the bible or books that formed the known bible, but you guys live by the writings of a man who put the book of mormon together a couple of hundred years ago. Please correct me if I’m I wrong because my question is not meant to be offensive. If this is correct, my question is how do you know this mans writings are real? The bible is an ancient text of documented scrolls from libraries of the worlds best historians who all are saying the same thing inrelation to God and his laws. How do you know these men didn’t just make everything up and your choice for multiple wives is actually sinful in the eyes of God. As I stated, I like your family and I understand making choices that aren’t politically correct for your chosen faith. I guess what I’m questioning is the authenticity of your chosen faith. What is it inside of you that convinced your heart these wrtings are ordained teachings from God? I’ve been blissfully married since I was 18 and we will celebrate our 22 anniversary in June. He is the love of my life and I can’t imagine him or myself sharing a relationship so sacred with anyone else. But I’m intrigued by your faith and the reasons behind it. So if you could explain my question I would appreciate the knowledge. I had seen were Kody was asked this and he couldn’t answer the questions of why he believed what he did and I found that very sad. Whatever your chosen faith you should know why you believe what your basing your life principles on. But this is the one question I hear asked, so I know it’s not just me. Thanks for taking the time and I wish your family well. If God is for you, then I certainly will not be against you.
Arabella
Arabella,
While we subscribe to the teachings of the Bible so long as they have been handed down, in fact there is much evidence of inconsistencies and changes even in the Bible. There are many reasonable people who debate the authenticity of the Bible and Jesus as the Christ. Simply reading the Bible and quoting it does not do justice to your testimony of Jesus as our Christ just as I am not in a position to convert you to my testimony and understanding of Mormonism and how it completes my relationship with our Savior. Suffice it to say, I think we can agree that the Bible reduces it down to Mathew 22:37-39, “Love thy God with all thy heart, and Love they neighbor as thyself.” Sometimes we as humans get so caught in our being right and making others wrong in our beliefs that we forget these two important commandments. My faith is ultimately about loving my God, loving my family and loving human kind as much as I do myself. It is not my calling to convert anyone to my faith, but simply defend my right to believe, practice and worship my faith freely, and allow others the same privilege, and to do so in such a way that touches, moves and inspires others to do the same in their families. Thank you for your respectful and heart felt questions, and may God Bless you in the righteous intents of your faith. 22 years is an accomplishment in love and we acknowledge you in that stand for your marriage.
Thank you for replying Joe and I wish your family well.
Arabella
The write-up about Kyra made me tear up. I have an aunt who died at one day, and this was kept from me for some reason not because it was any big secret but because her sisters simply didn’t recognize that they have another sister. This still kind of bothers me, well into middle age.
I noticed in the special with the Browns that they don’t recognize that they have ever lost a child. Well, to me they have with Mari’s miscarriage. This is curious to me, and I wonder if in your faith miscarriages “count” as children. I suppose I am asking when the soul enters the body in your faith, and I apologize if this has been covered extensively elsewhere and I just didn’t see it. Would there be a grave if there was a miscarriage as early as three months, or six months? What is the cut-off?
Thank you.
Jen
We consider life sacred and the development of the fetus a sacred time. Vicki recently had a miscarriage but it was too early to have a burial of sorts, and she had miscarriages which we talk about in Love Times Three which are of course still a loss to us and source of grief. If the fetus is viable enough for us to have a burial we would do so and give a name. Either way for a mother expecting and bonding to that child it is a tragic and difficult thing to experience. Thank you for sharing.
Just a little FYI…a couple of your children do not have names with their pictures.
I was about to comment the same thing.
Hi Dargers,
Although I don’t share the same religion or beliefs about Polygamy, I do appreciate your family values and your commitment/treatment for you wives.
With divorce so rampant its nice to see such devotion/love and unity in your family.
Are you planning to continue with the series on TLC?
Stephanie
I really like this family. I hope to see you all on your own show on TLC. Sending my prayers to you all.
I’m curious, I have noticed any comment that doesn’t validate your lifestyle or send praise your way…is ignored.
Any insight into why this is so?
I really don’t understand how is that possible: three women share the same man and they are ok with that…Really weird for me
It’s not that it’s weird…
I am Atheist…raised Mormon in Cali. I’m also from a huge blended family…thirteen kids from two marriages. Even though I wasn’t raised in a plig family I more than most lived the concept. Even if I had two more mothers I nor my siblings would have received the proper one on one attention and care a child needs.
The women all sharing one man bothers me the most. How can a religion insist on being a virgin, just to turn around and expect you to share that gift with a man who holds it in the most insulting regard by having sex with multiple women?
To me that is an insult…and if such standards are expected than let the women choose multiple husbands.
Actually our webmaster only filters out spam and comments that use foul language or are offensive because of personal attacks. We welcome any outside opinions. For us acceptance is not about agreement, is is about love and respect for all points of view. We ask that people accept us but that does not mean they have to agree with us, and conversely we afford all people the same privilege. People who read this blog are usually touched by the universal and positive message of love and typically it is not going to be a forum for those who are annoyed or threatened by our way of life. Keeping up on the blog takes a lot of time and certainly responding to all the comments we are unable to do. However, we welcome your input. Have a Happy New Year.
That’s a far cry from what I imagined was the reason. I am happy to hear that with the exception of hateful posters,you’re willing to answer all that you can.
I am a very open minded person in most aspects. My issues with polygamy is the one on one attention for the children, mocking off tax payer dollars, and sharing intimacy of a spouse. I do realise that your family seems a best case scenario from most plig families…you seem happy for the most part. If you had the chance to have your husband to yourself without sharing him…and the other wives okay with walking away unhurt…would you?
Far be it from me to correct typos, I make mistakes all the time
I appreciate your concerns and I understand the issues you have as far as tax dollars and giving the children the attention they need and deserve. For us it is important to take care of our family financially. We have also tried to make sure that we are ‘present’ for our children, not only physically but emotionally as well. This, we have realized, is not always a matter of how many minutes or hours spent with them, though we understand that ‘quality moments’ cannot occur unless plenty of opportunity is there. My son Caleb told me when he was in high school, his friends expressed that Caleb got more ‘Dad time’ than they did, and they had relatively small families. Words cannot express how important each of our children are to me, to know them, to be part of their lives, to be there for them when they need me. One thing I deal with in having sister wives is not having as much time with my husband as I otherwise might. Because of this, I make the most of the time we do have together, connecting on things that are meaningful, things that matter. I find this to be a great blessing and a healthy side-effect, if you will. We have this same level of commitment when it comes to our children. I have a friend who is an only child and felt she didn’t get enough parental time; I guess it’s all relative. There are so many things we do that reinforce our commitment to our kids. Our entertainment is often centered around them, we make time for a personal relationship with each of them because that is where our value is.
As far as having my husband to myself, there are times in my life when I wondered how it might be as a monogamous. If the relationship would be easier. I can honestly say that it would be devastating to me if any of the other wives walked away, even without the presence of any sore feelings. I have come to appreciate the blessings of living this way so much that sharing my husband is not a curse to me. My belief and faith got me through some difficult and challenging times. Now, I would honestly consider this way of life even if it weren’t for the faith aspect.
Best case scenario? I don’t know, but I know I am exactly where I want to be!
P.S. I know many plural families that ‘work’ like ours.
As crazy as it sounds…we think alike more than I would have imagined. lol
I can totally respect your thoughts and feelings on feeling devastated if your sister wives left. Even though I could never be okay with allowing anyone into my marriage I can respect your reasons why you do now that we have talked. Like you, my husband and I forgo date night to spend as much time as possible with our beautiful children. Not because we have to…because to we want to. Living in Utah as you do I imagine the stigma of your life choices isn’t as hard to bear…at least I hope. I have a newfound respect for you…your words were truly touching. That’s saying a lot cause I’m a beast when it comes to opening upbto people if my mind is set. lol
Darger family,i love everything about your family,you show love,respect,honesty,truth, and its great.i was rased on a island called harkers island and i was not aloud to go to Norman church,but i did go behind my family back,they showed love,family.Now I’m 45 and i love Norman church her,and i do believe in a man marring more than one wife…i look forward to seeing more of your family.i love kids,and family and believe in working together to be as one.if you ever come to north carolina i love to meet you and your family.i have thought about moving to your area,but i would have to move my business,i have a cleaning company.I’m not looking for fame,but i love to find,love,piece,faith,truth,keep your heads up high and love one another and i back you all 100%…D
Sorry…I meant…
*mooching
sorry for anyother typos, I am in the middle of taking down xmas decorations.
I just wanted to drop in and say I am so glad I watched Sister Wives this season and record it as I’m watching old episodes tonight. I just saw you on their and I had never heard of you but LOVE that you make things work. I obviously, just learning about you, have not read your book but I certainly plan on it.
My household is rather in total awe of your family. I have, well had until recently, 2 husbands and a girlfriend. Sadly 2 months ago one of our husbands left us due to pressure from his family. My other husband and our girlfriend and I are still happy to be together and since she won’t have read this I feel secure in mentioning we are going to propose to her for Valentine’s Day. That being said we are out in the open here where we live in MT and everyone is very accepting of us so we feel blessed. I just wanted to say how wonderful I find it that you make a plural marriage work for as long as you have since we being in our early 20s we see as even more of a sign that we can also make it work.
As a family man my wife and I loved to get see more of your family. We as a family are about to write our own family plan as we are adding to our family. We have watched the brown family since they first aired and we hope we will see more of your family as well. God bless you for allowing us to see how you and your family works together to make a happy home for you all.
Thank you for sharing, God bless you in your endeavors. We will continue to share where we are able.
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What a big family must be wonderful. Happy New Year To All!!
What a beautiful family! I would absolutely kill my husband if he even considered taking a 2nd wife lol. I have no problem with polygamy though and am very proud of you guys for not being afraid to be different. I think it is beautiful that you have such a warm (and close) family! The children are typical, normal and well adjusted kids. That just goes to show you that being different doesn’t mean your kids are going to need therapy or handcuffs!
I’m glad to see your family showing a positive light on uncommon family situations. Your visibility is helping change American society and views. Keep up the good work! Will be purchasing your book.
Dear Darger Family,
I learned of you by way of Sister Wives, and from what I’ve read here on this website. I’ve yet to read your memoir, but look forward to doing so, so forgive me in advance if the answer to my question is already contained therein.
I live in a family that is considered untraditional (by today’s standards) by virtue of its being extremely traditional: we have four generations living less than fifty yards from one another, which was not at all uncommon even in these United States a hundred years ago, a family structure that is still fairly typical abroad.
We are a multi-faith, multi-generational family: my five year old and I, both Jewish, live with, and care for my 84 year old Roman Catholic grandmother, while my secular humanist mother, and Eastern Orthodox father, live across the street, as do my non-denominational Christian sister and her infant son.
While my daughter’s father (an atheist) and I are no longer a couple, he is more than welcome in our home(s), and commutes 350 miles every weekend to see us, and we all get along, excepting the squabbles all families get into, since all parties involved agree that the sort of ex you are says even more about your character than the sort of partner you make, especially where children are concerned, and that it simply isn’t possible for a child to be loved too much, or by too many people.
My nephew’s father, however, has had nearly nothing to do with his son, using my family’s closeness as an excuse to exempt himself from his son’s life, claiming he feels attacked, outnumbered, excluded, and unimportant being around my family, believing that a true family consists of one (abusive, in his case) husband, one (battered) wife, and their (frightened witless) children.
My soon-to-be former brother-in-law’s abusiveness aside, I have heard many people, hairdressers, plumbers, acquaintances, etc., feel perfectly free to declare my homelife “strange,” “weird,” “confusing for the kids,” “unnatural,” and even “unhealthy,” hurtful, sometimes hateful insults and unfounded accusations I’m sure have been leveled at your family far more often than they’ve been at mine.
My question to you is this: apart from faith (we’re doing fine with the half dozen among us), how do you defend/explain the value of a large and/or extended family to people who think the nuclear family is the be all – end all of family structures?
I’d never deny that my family can be exasperating, that there are days I’d love to run away from home, but there is enormous peace and comfort born of knowing that there is always some someone who’ll pull for me when I need it, and who’ll push when I need that, too, no questions asked, a peace and comfort unavailable to people who’ve not only exiled themselves from their extended families, but often from one another, too, since most of the nuclear families I know spend more time interacting with screens than one another.
I watched a documentary about an Amish family and the father, when asked why he’d forego a profitable construction business in exchange for a farm that would yield less profit but would grant him the grace of being nearer to his family, he said “Love requires time,” which I thought very beautiful and very true. He went on to explain that the investment he made in his children time wise was not only more valuable than money, but also an investment in his own future, since in caring closely and lovingly with his children while they were young meant they’d care for him closely and lovingly when he grew old.
Love does indeed require time, including having some to myself so that I’ll never regard my child as a chore or a burden rather than the blessing she is, and I am lucky to have ample adults around that afford me the luxury of that little bit of distance that keeps me reflective and mindful, the time everyone needs to keep from becoming resentful. I know I wouldn’t have the time to be writing to you unless I knew my daughter was being well cared for right across the street, by her gaga (grandma) and titi (auntie) and the cousin she acknowledges only as her brother, just as my sister and I regarded our cousins as siblings.
This is how my family works, and has worked. My sister and I were cared for by my grandparents exclusively while our parents worked, and our children are being cared for by their grandparents in turn, which is, I think, as it should be.
What is it, do you think, about American culture that makes it pay so much lip service to family values while denigrating them in fact? In a world of i-pods, i-phones and on demand tv, I realize it’s easy to forget about others, but why do so few people seem to understand that all that gadgetry distracts them from the loneliness so many, at bottom, seem to feel?
Do you ever think some of the ill will you encounter isn’t in fact envy of the stability a supremely solid home life, whatever form it takes — plural marriage, close extended families, blended families, families perhaps even unrelated by blood who are nevertheless committed completely to one another?
I’m assuming, having gone public as a plural family, you’ve endured far more scorn than I ever have or will, and I was hoping for some advice as to how to deal with loud and spiteful doubters, advice I’d be glad to take, since there is nothing in the world I value more than generosity and courage, which you as a family have in spades, not only by bearing witness to your most dearly held beliefs, but by doing so openly, irrespective of critics and the consequences I’m sure they’d be happy to reap upon you.
I’m sorry for the length of this letter, but I’m moved very much by those who value justice over and above the law, and the spirit over and above the bylaws of religion, who’ll risk their reputations, livelihoods and their necks besides to do so, and I wanted you to know I am grateful to and for you.
Love to you and yours,
Dafna
Dafna,
You have expressed as well as we could the benefits of a large family and extended circle of love. It sounds like you have a beautiful support system. We hope that our message is not simply one of tolerance, but of acceptance. Acceptance is love and if we all could love our neighbors none above another the world would work. To many people think agreement is necessary for acceptance and it is not so. You mention envy and I am sure the detractors you face have a fair amount of envy, I also think that sometimes it is simply fear. People are threatened by and fear what they don’t understand. Ultimately, that which we cannot accept in our neighbor is rooted deeply in that which we cannot accept in ourselves. When I understand this concept I am able to love my antagonists as much as any for I see how easy it is for all of us to be there.
You seem to be rooted firmly in who you are. By being true to that will cause those who lack such clarity in their lives to find that their negativity does alter you and perhaps such steadfast conviction can give them the pause for reflection that can lead to a better world. Thank you for your love and sentiments and may you feel much from us in return.
Joe
Hi Darger family,
You look so happy in every single photo that I see on this site. And I have to say that you are very blessed!!! You know I discover polygamy last month when Iwas watching news on tv. Immediately I started to make a research, because I decided that the topic of a project that my teacher assigned to me will be Polygamy. Surfing around the internet…I suddenly found the story about your family. Well guess what was the title of my project!?
“The Misterious ways of Love” I’m so proud to say that I had the highest vote of the class 9/10 (not bad).
Well I have thank your wonderful family!!!
Ps:I’m not sure if you’re able to understand what I wrote….sorry for my english!! Haha bye bye >.<
Your English is great. Thank you Jake, we would love to see your class project. Too bad we don’t speak Italian. I am sure it was great.
Thank you Joe!!! Well I’m trying to improve my English chatting on english chat! And playing a wonderful game……RUZZLE..(sometimes in english and sometimes in Italian…..ok ok lots of the time in Italian!!) I would love to challenge you on Ruzzle!!(if you have the app)
Thank you also for the compliments for my project….well tomorrow I will try to translate it….withte precious help of my English teacher hahahahahaha ^________^
Bye bye and thank you again!!!
Hi!
I am just fascinated by polygamous marriages! I have been an avid reader of many books on the subject recently. All but a few have been non fiction! I give you the up respect and I see NOTHING wrong with your way of life! I have been brought up Roman Catholic but I got the bug to learn more about your life style after becoming hooked on “Big Love”. I have to say that sometimes polygamy is given a TERRIBLE name (Warren Jeff’s for example) and most people look at his as a role model for your religion. And because of his horrible ways it has given your religion/life style a terrible reputation! I watch the Browns all the time and I just have to say God Bless you! I watch twin 7 month old baby girls and their 3 year old mischievous sister and at times I want to rip out my hair! So hats off to you folks and God Bless! Looking forward to reading your book!
Hello Darger Family,
I’m home with a broken foot and whilst looking for more ideas of lesson plans (I know right, lesson plans, polygamy???) came across a video that you all appeared in. Anyway, just wanted to add my voice in support of your lives, family, marriage. I’ver never quite understood the negativity around polygamy. Personally, I’ve always thought it was a great idea; amazing support for the wives.
Take care, I’ll pop by again now that I’ve found your blog.
Light, love and blessings.
D
I just finished your book. I couldn’t put it down. I loved it! Thank you so much for sharing your story and family. I don’t share the same faith but I will fight for your right to have yours. It is a shame some people can’t accept others for being different than themselves. I think you and the Browns are great families and others could learn what being a ” family” means from you both. I think it is wonderful for your children to have such caring, loving and great examples for parents. I wish all of you the best and keep teaching the rest of us to be more accepting of others regardless of their beliefs!!
Doris Goforth
i have read as much of the subject of polygamy families and i can. that is online and books. i am reading your book which i got from the library. i have noticed your family isnt the same as the Browns. then again no family is the same in either way or lifestyle, just like no two people are the same or snowflakes. i love how your family is full of love, honesty, trust and communiction which is the most important to any long term relationship. i have cried several times reading your book. (half way thru) i have seeked the same love and family you have all my life, w/ my family, husbands, friends, boyfriends etc… thru out my life. (50yrs) i have live w/ alot of abuse in my life since childhood and lived in poverty during the 18yrs of raising my two kids and several months before they were born. so seeing your family and Browns has really hit me hard in my heart and soul.
i have some personal questions i would like to ask from y’all but not w/ others reading it. its personal from my life experiences i want to have your comments of them.
now my question i can write here….
why havent any one mention any positive poly families, groups etc.. in Texas?
i have searched and ask for info on that several people and websites havent found any answer. is it because people are afraid to talk about it from the negative experience in Texas? i ask this because i live in Texas all my life.
after i read your book from library i want to buy it to add to my other books i have on subject of poly. it will be my first positive books of it in my collection. i hope i can find others that are postive.
Teresa in Arlington Texas
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Hi Joe, i am a ecuadorian mormon, Bahia de Caraquez, Southamerica, congratulations for you great family, soon visit yours,
Hi im 12 years old an i have to say im moved on how you are so well put together all your kids look happy! I love that you all can make it work! It touches my heart that all your wives are related and dont fight like me and my sister! I just have to say that it must be very expensive with all your kids! I horse back ride and own a horse and my sister is a cheerleader and my parents struggle with money. Money must be tight but im praying for you all to have a happy life!
<3 Julia
very much shocked at first but when i read your family details it seems that you guys are great family to be together which is not certainly possible without the love care and affection of the you Joe and your love times three!!!
I just finished your book. I used to be horrified by polygamy because I thought it was degrading to women, plus I was fearful of my own potential for jealousy in my relationship with my husband. Watching “Big Love” changed my opinion, although like all such productions it tended to go for the sensational. But there were moments in that show that were positively inspiring.
Your book, however, is far more valuable as a portrayal of your way of life. I think the most important thing to realize, something most people don’t really consider, is that your practice is rooted in your faith. Without that, it’s just a bunch of people shacking up together. I never considered polygamous marriage as a genuine spiritual practice, but that is in fact what it is, when the people involved are mature and rooted in their faith, as all of you are. The effect of living together as you do is that each of you must confront on a daily basis your “small self”–the need for gratification at the level of the personal ego–and transcend it, not repress it. So if a wife is feeling jealous that another wife is getting Joe’s attention, she acknowleges that feeling, but then sees the bigger picture, why the other wife may need that attention, for example, and then joins Joe in reaching out in love for the other. We have to do that in monogamous families as well, but the temptation is to see one’s spouse as a tool for one’s gratification.
Anyway, I just want to express my appreciation and admiration to all of you. Thanks for opening our eyes, and may God continue to bless you.
When the new heros in the US are for instance the NBA player Jason Collins who decided to come out as gay and shockingly he is praised for bragging his sick perversion, it is refreshing to hear and read about people like you who love children and family life and where Joe Dager is in a relationship with women for a change!!
A man living with 3 women or 2 or 1 or more, it does not matter at all, as long as it is done with true love and family life as a focus.
The Old Testament is very clear on this matter, a man married to several women is perfectly in harmony with G.od’s plans for mankind and for men in particular.
G.od bless you Joe, your wives, and your children.
Michael, a Jewish person.
What does government assistance have anything to do with it? I think its great that you’re a happy family and I’m all for the freedom to marry. That being said I don’t think that Michael, jewish person being gay is perverted. Just like this family has the freedom to be together and be praised, so do those that are in same sex marriages. It also astounds me when someone with strong religious convictions is hateful towards others. Whether poor or gay why so much hate? Doesn’t the bible have some sort of clause against being hateful to a fellow human being?
Hey guys!
but not so far from your thoughts about the individual’s right to choose a life for themselves, as long as it doesn’t harm others. After watching and loving all seasons of Big Love (fully understand that this is not what plural marriage is actually like), I find the discussion about polygamy fascinating and I congratulate your on your bravery in “coming out”. Guess I’ll have to read your book now, to see if the myriad of questions I would love to ask y’all are answered within! 
Good luck!
Stumbled over your website after the Time piece and must thank you for a fascinating read! As a Swedish atheist lesbian, I am far from your faith technically (and will probably burn in hell or whatnot
Uhh, yours is an odd family for sure; not something we see all the time! Just one thing I’ve noticed is that some of the kids’ descriptions state that they only have a few brothers and sisters, when in fact they are 20+ children. Do all children consider each other as siblings, or only children born from the same mom?
They all consider each other brother’s and sisters. Because of the social stigma and/or the explanation that has to ensue many of them choose to only tell people about their biological mother’s children as their siblings.
I’m 34 years old and I’m still single ;-( . I haven’t had a girlfriend ever. Mr. Joe, can you give an advice how to seduce a woman?
Personally, I do not believe in polygamy. However, the way I see it is if all parties are willing, children are being cared for properly, and you are living within your means, do what makes you happy. If this is what you believe in, and there are no laws being broken, it makes no difference to me how you live your life. I applaud your family for being open about your lifestyle and trying to debunk some myths as well as trying to change the way the rest of the world views polygamy, and those who practice it.