Everyone needs a vacation sometime, it doesn’t matter who you are. Polygamous husbands need them, plural wives need them. Sometimes polygamous husbands and one of their wives decide to take a vacation, mono y mono. We have all been on romantic vacations with Joe and see the necessity for ourselves, our sister wives and our husband to have that experience. Even though we are polygamists, and enjoy spending most of our time together, we value the time we have to develop and deepen the one-on-one relationships we each have with Joe.
Of late, Alina and Joe went on a two-week vacation (part work, part play), and soon thereafter Vicki and Joe went on a week long vacation. While I was very excited for them and glad they got to get away and spend some time, I also had some moments of jealousy. Some of the feelings that came up surprised me while others were familiar and even expected. The trip with Alina was a full two weeks! Joe has never been on a trip that long with one of his wives (only for work), and so that alone started me thinking about how they were going to have such a great bonding time. I could just imagine all the things they’d see and experience together.
Also, they were going to spend some time with Asher, their grandson and his parents, and I actually found myself quite jealous of that. Even though he is not my biological grandson, I love him like crazy! And I want him to know me as a grandma too, that will love him and spoil him and be proud of him. The whole time they were gone, I did pretty well, and it wasn’t hard to keep my mind occupied with other things. With Alina gone, Vicki and I were taking on many of the household responsibilities that she would normally be doing. Some days it seemed like it was go-go-go all day long. It was a labor of love but I confess, in years past there have been times that I have struggled with having a good attitude about those kinds of things. I would resent the extra workload, and feel unappreciated while imagining them off playing and having a great time. I just knew that they forgot that without me, the trip they were on would not even be a remote possibility. Can you see the pity-party I must have had?
That way of thinking wasn’t working for me so I redefined it and now it is much more satisfying. For their trip, I made a conscious choice to do everything in my power to create a vacation for them where they could rest easy knowing that everything at home was running smoothly in their absence. I did my best but there was a night when Alina’s two young daughters got scared when they were in bed and unbeknownst to me, decided to call their mom. It was already late where we live, but with the time difference it was really late for Alina. They woke her up from her sleep, then she got emotional because she missed them so much, then Joe called me to find out what was going on…. etc. etc. Eventually we got it all settled.
The next day, while talking to Joe on the phone, he shares with me that they went shopping today and they found a shop with a lot of great dresses. He picked some out for Alina to try on that they both liked and they ended up being affordable. So he bought her two dresses. I don’t know why but that just got to me. I started quietly crying and was still determined not to let him know but he knows me too well and asked me what was the matter.
“Nothing!” I sobbed. He listened while I unloaded all of my feelings.
I mean, I love it when Joe picks something out for me. He’s really good at picking out a style that I wouldn’t normally choose for myself, but I usually end up loving a different look. The desire for that and the emotion of carrying the load for two weeks came flooding forth. It was more time than I care to spend away from him.
After that, I was just glad when they finally got home! Next, it was time for Joe and Vicki’s trip…a cruise over to the Bahamas and back. It is easy to forget my two recent trips with Joe myself. It is in our nature to think of ourselves first I suppose. However imperfect I am at it, I am grateful for the times I have been able to go outside of myself.