Speaking On Our Polygamous Lifestyle to Millions of People

Watch Dr. Phil on YouTube

Dr. Phil Uncensored: Love Times Three Backstage
(Note: the shows producer told us that he never poses for pictures with the guests!)

There is nothing I can do to change it. No way I can go back and say it better than the way I did the first time. It is all on tape now. Even as I write this it is probably being spliced and diced and edited to fit into the time-frame of the show.

Like I would with any “interview” I want to make a good impression. I want to look good and feel confident. I try not to think about the larger national audience that will eventually be viewing this. For now just to concentrate on the 200+ people in the room with me. Maybe, most importantly, the person conducting the interview…Dr. Phil McGraw of the Dr Phil Show.

Valerie on Dr. Phil show for polygamy

Valerie Darger on Dr. Phil show for polygamy

Thankfully, they had these really fabulous and talented people for hair and make-up. First, there was Allen who spent a lot of time applying my make-up, covering every blemish and defining my eyes. Next came Rhonda, a tiny petite woman who was a whiz with the curling iron.

Before going on stage the producer warned me that it might be chilly on stage and asked if I wanted a jacket. I declined since I liked the look of the blouse I had on. It may have been a mistake. I felt myself start to shiver, then had to worry that it might look like I was nervous. Okay so I was nervous but only the tiniest bit during the very first segment.

By the end of the taping I was relaxed and comfortable and felt that things went very well. Those 200+ people were cheering for us anyhow. Next comes those millions of T.V. viewers. Hopefully their reaction is just as wonderful. That happens when they air the show we taped. Please watch The Dr Phil Show on Monday Sept 26th. Let us know what you think?

I’m still just the tiniest bit nervous! Shhh, don’t tell…

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16 Responses to Speaking On Our Polygamous Lifestyle to Millions of People

  1. Nicole Reesor says:

    You all did amazing, and so brave standing up your beliefs! Thank you for sharing your life experiences! It’s great to see and understand another lifestyle that I previously was very ignorant and biased about. Thank you very much!
    Nicole Reesor

  2. Melissa says:

    I watched the show today , you were great! I have to say I love the energy and love that comes out of your huge family :) Im not sure id be able to share my man , but I do understand how you would want a life like you have so much love around , you can feel it just seeing you guys on the show ! I do live in Canada…we are much more open and accepting to different situations id say .

  3. Lisa says:

    You all were great on Dr. Phil ! What a big loving family, your kids have built-in playmates & a foundation based on God. They are lucky to have four loving parents in the home, most kids only have one or two. It isn’t for me. (I’ve
    been married to my husband for 30 yrs. & have only 2 children) it would take way too
    much energy. I find it VERY intrusive of the goverment to tell us how many people
    we’re allowed to love. We all need less goverment in our lives. Good luck to your family & God bless you all.
    Lisa

  4. Lisa says:

    What ever happened to RELIGIOUS FREEDOM? The goverment needs to stay out of consenting adults lives!

  5. with 24 children, is the (husband? )liable for his actuins? where does the money come froim? I am sure the children who work, could never afford shoes, clothes, schooling etc, this is my opinion. iI am a mother of 5 mostly grown, and grandmother of 4,all seem to be happy with one mom and one dad, . please reply, if you can.

    • Joe says:

      I am responsible for all of our children. Actually 5 of our children our technically step children and legally I am not responsible for them. But since their bio dad refuses to support them I have willingly taken on that responsibility as well and love and treat them as if they were fathered by me. The children work to learn responsibility or to secure for themselves things like cell phones or cars, not to contribute to the family. We have several businesses and have three adults that contribute to the income of the family. We do very well by most standards, but also work hard to be frugal, avoid debt and use our resources wisely.

  6. Pam Hill says:

    Just watched the show this evening. (DVR’ed it). I’m from the bible belt, brought up Quaker, currently non-practicing  Baptist, married  3 times, this last one 30 years. His second marriage. Three kids between us, his, estranged, mine in a dysfunctional 10 year marriage.  We stay together for economical and comfort reasons. He has not been faithful during our marriage. I relate this only for the purpose of  our superficial judgmental society and holier than thou lawmakers. Comparatively, your system is way more healthier than mine!  And trust me, I am not in a rare situation. 

    In today’s society, where more people have been married multiple times or had affairs, come from broken or abusive homes, I think it’s time we come down off our high horse of what’s right and what’s wrong between a couple or “unit” in your case. 

    You are very courageous to speak out about your lifestyle. Society now accepts and it’s lawful in many states same sex marriages. Society accepts non-married couples raising families without condemnation. It’s about time your lifestyle be accepted and made lawful. And trust me, before today, I would never have said that. But I truly felt moved by your story and can only say it would take an extremely insecure woman not to want what you seem to have.  

    Good luck in your endeavors and maybe you’ll be the pioneers in the movement to abolish marital prejudice in the eyes of the the law and society. Many blessings to your family. 

    Pam

  7. kristin says:

    Dear ladies, (and Joe!)
    I just watched the Dr. Phil show and had to find out more about you. I found your web site and wanted to comment because I was so moved by your honest interview. I am in a 15 year marriage and for years have been intrigued by the idea of plural marriage. I do not understand people who don’t see the value in plural marriage. I envy the supportive, caring relationships you all have with each other. The standards with which you are living your life are so much higher than the typical american I am amazed that people think they have a right to comment negatively on your life. I commend you for coming forward to discuss this issue in hopes of a better, more accepting future for your children. Now, I’m off to Amazon to buy your book! Best to you all- Kristin

  8. Erika says:

    I watched the show and you were all great! You are blessed to have each other. If you are a law-abiding citizen in every other regard, then The government should definitely stay out of our personal lives. To Criminalize plural marriage is to criminalize love. My only problem with this Belief comes when a man has multiple wives and children he cannot support, and then the rest of us have to pick up the tab for him. In that case have the wives and children God blesses you with, but only the ones you can support. In regards to your family, best of luck and best wishes for a life filled with love, happiness, and blessings.

  9. Shahla says:

    I first learned about plural relationships when I was introduced to BDSM. Cause of that experience I had a very negative stand on this until I saw the show Sister Wives. Since I have change my views and I feel that y’all should be left alone as long as the relationship with each other and with the children is healthy and nurturing. your family is brave and I feel that the ladies in this relationship are more secure than most women in this country. Thank you for sharing your life with us.

  10. Tinsa says:

    I would like to say I seen you guys on Dr. Phil yesterday and your family was amazing! Although monogamy is what is right for me and my family I think everyone should have a right to live in a way that makes them happy, content and feeling like they are being fulfilled. I loved big love and love sister wives and now love your family it shows a different view of what living the principle is. We have all been fed pictures of places like Bountiful B.C. Canada where polygamy appears to be a repressive, brain washed environment and it is nice to see a different HEALTHY aspect of polygamy, it is common and accepted in many parts of the world and the government needs to stay out of peoples bedrooms in North American. I commend you and your family for coming forward and I think it will be helpful in your fight for freedom. It was not very long ago that interracial or homosexual relationship were forbidden T.V programming had a huge role in making these relationships more accepted in mainstream society I can only assume it will have the same affect for polygamist relationships with brave people like you coming forward. I bought your book to help support your family and I am looking forward to reading it :) I hope you and your children find the strength in each other and your community as I’m sure you will receive some negative feed back as well.
    Good Luck from Canada :)

  11. Joy B says:

    I have a very close friend who works for Child Protective Services here in Texas and was involved in the Warren Jeffs Compound in San Angelo a few years ago. The stories that she told would make you cry and they did make me cry. The abuse was more than you could believe and no one did a thing. Didn’t sleep for days after her stories. I’ve read a couple of other books from different decades, but most painted a bleak picture of polygamy. Mind you, I can imagine a life where I’d be happy my husband was with another woman, especially my sister, but I do believe in the right to choose your lifestyle in spite of the fact that I’m a conversative Christian. I think when judgment comes, God can handle all that part. Truthfully, I’ve not always been successful being married to one husband, so who am I to judge what works. I am glad to see a story that is about consenting adults and doesn’t involve the abuse and the fear that so many times are associated with polygamy. The Bible says that anything exposed to the light of day will expose the truth and I think that’s the key! Thanks for the insight and bringing this to the light of day. My husband is just shaking his head when I told him I’m emailing the guy with three wives. He thinks you’re crazy! God Bless and much luck!

  12. Joy B says:

    My line should have read, “Mind you, I CAN’T imagine a life . . .”. Must be a freudian slip!!!

  13. melissa says:

    I saw you on Dr. Phil. I have been curious about polygamy for a few years and wondered if it was a blanket society of families similar to the abuse that the name Warren Jeffs has. I was so surprised and happy to read your book, as well as see your interview. I think it’s wrong that polygamy is illegal, esp when so many people have affairs and kids with those people. You are open and honest about your relationships and try to work together as one unit. I have learned quite a bit about your lifestyle through this and hope to show my daughter that other lifestyles are ok and to be open to people and their differences. I am trying to teach her that everyone is different and that it’s ok. I am excited to see how all of our kids (yours, mine and everyone in the world) will hopefully be more open to society and their lifestyle differences whether it be from racial, sexual preferences etc. I wish your family all the best and hope that only positive comes from your book.

    • Joe says:

      Thank you to all who have taken an effort to express support. We will continue to use this blog as a forum to update people on our life and the repercussions, good and bad of being so public. To have such open hearts and minds is encouraging to us. When one writes a memoir it is a bit unnerving to expose yourself in such a personal way. We wish we did not have to be so public in order to gain acceptance but we honestly felt no other way. To have such a warm reception and to hear so many people trying the best they can to raise their children, structure their families or live their faith as they see fit, while allowing others the same privilege speaks to the beauty of the American experience.

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